


Camara Sensual

by misuthewitch



Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Blindfolds, Chicago (City), Control, Dominance, Explicit Language, F/M, Healing Sex, Hot Sex, Light Bondage, Older Woman/Younger Man, Oral Sex, Past Infidelity, Photography, Rough Sex, Train Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-07-31 11:54:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20114683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misuthewitch/pseuds/misuthewitch
Summary: "Here, look this photo.  It's one of my favorites.  I caught you at all the right angles.  You look so hot...but then again you're always hot when you're with me.  I wanted you to see - how much the camera loves you.  You must let me do this again..."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Cámara Sensual
> 
> © 2012 Belle Nuit, All Rights Reserved. Originally published on Wattpad. I am posting it here (I am the author) in it's entirety due to changes in Wattpad's Adult Content policies.
> 
> WARNING - This is a work that features graphic depictions of sex and strong language! If this sort of thing troubles you, or if you are under the age of 18+, please leave now. I know that most people may stick around, but don't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> This is my original work - horribly written, but written by me nonetheless. As bad as it is, it is my work , so please, no stealing! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it. Thank you!

She's all over him like the proverbial bitch in heat.

That shade of "screw me" red lipstick is all over his cheeks, his lips, his neck, and the collar of his shirt. I bet if I were daring enough to demand it, I'd find a ring of that disgusting colour around his dick, too.

I wish I could smack the smugness off that bitch's face.

He looks as handsome as ever, even with that surprised look on his face. Whatever. Even if anger rises from every pore on my skin, even if my heart rages with an insidious intent, I won't give them the satisfaction of my anger. I simply turn and walk away from it all, knowing that I've finally clinched my freedom, knowing that I am rid of that arrogant son-of-a-bitch once and for all.

Classless as she is, she did me a favor.

He trips over his feet, and cries after me, cries my name. I turn off my ears to the sound of his voice. Even though I know she'll keep him from following, I run as though he were after me, as though he were the devil himself. The tears pool around my eyes, but I keep them from falling - not until I get home.

And when I do get home, I barely make it through the door before the tears start flowing - they will no longer be denied. And even as my heart breaks, even if my stomach churns just thinking about him fucking that sluts, I don't know if crying because I'm hurt over being betrayed or because I'm relieved to be free of that bastard. Maybe it's a combination of both.

But it's done...it's over. I'm free of it all the drama. I'm free of him.

I'm free...right?

\------

"Remember that photo I took of you? It turned out really nicely. Here, have a look."

He hands the picture over to me - and I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's a picture of me all right - me in the throes of a questionable passion. My back arches as my legs are draped over his shoulders in the air. My nipples stand erect, electrified, glow from the powerful feeling bursting inside me. I can see the sweat on my brow, and the imprints of his fingers on my thighs. 

The memory of him pounding me like he hadn't fucked in forever while taking pictures on his DSLR both disgusted and excited me all at once.

I gave it back to him, struggling to keep my emotions in check. "You must be so proud of yourself."

"I am," he purrs, sidestepping my bitter tongue. "It's one of my favorites. It turned out better than I imagined it would. I caught you at all right angles. You look so hot in the picture. But then, you always look so good when I'm inside you."

I pull me hard against him, my back to his front. I can feel him straining against the confines of his pants and his lips against my earlobe. I remain absolutely still, even as my heart flutters, even if my panties grow moist. I won't let him know how much this turns me on. "I wanted you to see...how the camera loves you. You must let me do this again."

I bite my lip as his hands move up and down my sides. I want to tell him to go fuck himself, to go sniff the pussies of the countless other women who want to ride his cock into the sunset. But the words never come, ripped and shredded within my throat. And as his lips drift across my shoulder, I know the words will never come. 

We'll be doing it again, and again, and once more soon enough.

I don't understand myself sometimes...he's clearly using me. He's enjoys making me squirm - in more ways than one. And just because he's some pretty boy that a woman of my age would kill to fool around with, just because someone like me should feel honored to be chosen by, doesn't mean I deserve to be treated like this. I deserve so much better.

I want to end this madness.

Yet, I just can't seem to get enough of him.

\------

Three Months Earlier

Though it was I that chose to drink the poison, I still blame her for giving it to me.

For my thirty-second birthday, my best friend Elena presented me with a Canon 60D - one of the best DSLR cameras on the market. To sweeten the gift, she offered me private lessons with Vivian, her young assistant (and she emphasized the world "young") who was already a skilled photographer. She knew that I'd always wanted to get into photography - amateur, never professional - and now was as good a time as anyway. It'd been two years since I'd divorced from my ex-husband, and now was as good a time as any to start my new beginning.

Little did I know that it would be the beginning of a new bout of insanity.

The day I first met Vivian, I was struck by how young he was. Then again, I shouldn't have been all that surprised. Elena was always a vivacious woman with a taste for younger men. Vivian was definitely young at the tender age of 24. A senior at the School of the Art Institute of Chicago, he already has a promising future ahead of him as a fashion photographer. He was working with Elena to gain further experience - and because she enjoyed staring at him all damn day.

As much as I hate to say it - I can't blame her.

"He's so gorgeous but so damn secretive," I remembered Elena telling me. "The only thing that's not a secret is how good he is in bed. He may be a brilliant photographer, but he's also...quite promiscuous. I mean, he's a verifiable slut. If he's not taking a picture, he's in between someone's legs. Ah, it must be good to be young, dumb, and...well, you know the rest."

I got the message at "promiscuous", but Elena really enjoys explaining things in great detail.

Even after she warned me of his promiscuity, I wasn't immune to his enigmatic aura. As much as I hate to admit it, when I first saw Vivian, I was taken by how beautiful he is. "Handsome" is an understatement - he should be the one in front of the camera, not the one behind it. Staring at him filled my body with intense, overwhelming heat. Was he an angel or the devil incarnate - either way, his beauty was not of his earth. Golden skin, dark chocolate silk hair, and these intense dark eyes that could undress any woman - willing and unwilling - in mere seconds.

I wonder how many panties became drenched at the sight of those eyes.

His charms only made him more dangerous. Never had I met someone so polite and courteous. His voice flowed like honey - sweet, low, and sensuous. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Ms. Wilson," he cooed as his lips grazed the back of my hand.

The embarrassment of being made to feel like a kindly old lady gave way to an excitement, a frenetic agitation that I could barely contain in my nervous laughter.

"Oh, please, don't call me 'Ms. Wilson'- that's my mother's name." As much as I tried to hide how flustered he made me, I know I failed. "Please call me 'Lexie'."

"'Lexie', it is." The way he said my name came across way too intimate for my liking. "Well, Lexie, let me assure that I will do my best to help you become a better photographer."

There may have been many hidden intentions behind that statement, but I chose to ignore them. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

Vivian had work to do at school, so we couldn't start out lessons that day. I was relived - the whole exchanged made me uncomfortable, and I wondered if this whole thing was a good idea. But I couldn't refuse this gift either - Elena had told me that he needed the money to pay for his daily expenses. So, I was committed to these lessons, no matter what.

"Ooh, he's such a flirt, isn't he?" she teased, nudging my shoulder. "He's like that with all the ladies, especially the older ones. You know these fashion photographers are - always trying to find beauty in everyone."

I sighed heavily, somewhat relieved. So, he's a flirt - that's comforting. I was just being silly, reading too much into his charming behavior. It's been so long since I've dance the tango of dating, so everything felt new to me again. I was simply reading too much into it, that's all.

Still, the memory of Vivian's gaze, and his dark eyes gazing into mine unsettled me. Even as I tried to push those feelings of foreboding into the pit of my stomach, I couldn't get rid of them completely. So, I acted like I had.

\------

I should have trusted my instincts more.

The lessons started off innocently enough. He'd teach me the basics of using my camera, going through each function step-by-step. I felt like such an idiot, going through all this. I was under the impression that all it took was point-click-and-shoot - but there was much more than that. Vivian was a good and patient teacher and had no trouble taking his time with me. I was appreciative, yes, but at the same time, it I could never full comfortable with him. Every word that came out of his mouth felt like an invitation - a dark invitation. The low rumble of his voice, how he always stood very close to me, and the moments were our hands, and then our bodies brushed against each other.

"I'm sorry," he'd tell me, catching sight of my visible discomfort. "Have I overstepped my bounds?"

"N-No,"I'd stammer like an idiot, even though he clearly did. "It was...just an accident, right?"

"Right." The slight grin on his face was all sorts of evil. "An accident."

"Right."

We'd then go back to our lessons, but the damaged had already been done. I'd fight the urge to stare idly at him, drinking in his features. But every now and again, my eyes would betray me, and I'd end up sneaking a glance. One look at him and you wanted to do strange things. I wasn't immune to the effects of looking at him. There was something so dangerous and forbidden about looking at Vivian. You could never look at him too long, or else you'd get sucked into the maelstrom of your deepest desires. And if he managed to catch you staring...

Well, luckily, he never managed to catch me staring. But I didn't want to think about what would happen if I did. In fact, I was terrified of what would happen if he caught me staring at him. So I worked harder to keep my feelings in check. And it seemed like it was working...

But it wasn't.

He must have seen caught me staring at him and I didn't realize it. He must have. 

I gave him the opening he was looking for without being cognizant of it.

\------

It didn't take long for him the pounce. All he needed was the space and the opportunity.

Elena needed her studio for a shoot, so Vivian invited me into the small studio at his apartment. I didn't want to go. I wanted to politely decline and finally tell him how uncomfortable I am about it. But the words never come out of my mouth - and both he and Elena assured me that he would be on his best behavior.

I wanted to believe them, but the shivers up and down my spine begged me to reconsider.

I didn't.

His studio was located in Ravenswood, in the industrial corridor, among all the other talented artisans that set up shop there. Even sparsely furnished, I wondered how a guy his age could afford to live in this area, since the rents have practically skyrocketed over the last ten years or so. But then, I thought better of it. To ask such a question would show interest, and the last thing I wanted was to make him think I was interested in him.

He's a kid - a damn sexy kid, but a kid nonetheless. I wouldn't go there. I'd be begging for punishment.

The sound of the door latching shut echoed inside my ears. My heart stopped for one brief second, before breaking into a mad, furious sprint. I stood still by the door, unable to move. My eyes were glued firmly to the floor. This was a mistake - I already knew that. The air was thick with cunning and licentious objectives. 

The devil will collect his due.

"What's the matter?" he asked, looking right at me. 

I fell all over my words. "I-I don't think I should be here."

"Oh?" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Why is that?"

"I just don't feel comfortable being in your home like this." I wrapped my arms around my chest to stop myself from shaking. "I mean, I don't really even know you like that."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." He sounded concern, but the smugness behind his eyes betrayed him. Every hair on my body stood on end. "And here I thought you'd believe me when I promised I'd be on my best behavior."

I could hear the slight sneer behind the sweet-as-honey flow of his voice. My instincts screamed at the top of their lungs, and the alarms were ringing. I needed to get out of there - quickly.

"Forgive me if I sound presumptuous," I began quietly, "but with looks like that, it's hard to believe that you'd be on your best behavior."

A sly grin spread across this face. "You're right - you do sound very presumptuous. Then again, I always did like a woman who isn't afraid to tell it like it is."

I could feel beads of sweat forming on my brow. It felt like someone turned my internal thermostat up several notches. My dress felt tight, constricted. I wanted to tear it off, anything to relieve myself of this molten heat. But that's probably what he wanted. So, I just had to deal with it.

"Is it too warm in here for you?" He took off his jacket, throwing it onto the back of a chair nearby. When his bare arms came into to view, my breath hitched. Slender, sculpted, and muscular arms - probably a result of working a lot of photo shoots or deftly handling the naked forms of desperate pretty young things. Jesus. And I could see the outline of his abs through his black wife beater. It was a struggle to stop myself from swooning. "Do I need to turn down the heat?"

I swallowed hard, shaken by his perceptiveness. "No, that won't be necessary. As I said, I'm leaving."

"That is what you said," he repeated, the teasing tone not lost on me. "Because you are uncomfortable, and you don't think I'd be on my best behavior."

"I have no doubt of your behavior, Vivian." 

"If you say so, Lexie." 

I gritted my teeth, agitated and annoyed by his nonchalant responses. That bastard - he's enjoying me being so flustered! He's really liking this. Meanwhile, I'm trying my hardest not to walk up and punch him in the face. Just because all those other pretty young things are will to drop their panties at the sight of his sexy-as-fuck face doesn't mean I will. I have my pride - and I'm too old for the mind games, the bullshit. 

I'm not going to allow some young paparazzi gigolo tame me - even if he really is sexy-as-hell and I can't stop staring at him.

"Vivian, you've been a very good instructor and I've taken your lessons to heart." That's right, be polite so there's no misunderstanding. "But I don't feel comfortable being here like this. Please understand, it has nothing to do with you."

At first, he just stood there, quiet and motionless. But then, he begins to laugh - really laugh. And his laughter rubs me the wrong way. "You're not a very good liar, are you?"

"Excuse me?" I stumbled out, taken aback. 

"You heard me. You're not a very good liar, are you Lexie? This has everything to do with me, doesn't it?"

He doesn't hold anything back, does he? "I'm sorry. Am I giving you that impression? Because I'll stop."

I willed myself to keep calm - and to keep my eyes on him. The danger of the situation hung in the air, and I am all too aware of stupid it would be if I turned my back on him. All the while, I'm planning my escape. It's not safe here. I need to get out and I need to get out now.

"You've got spunk, Lexie," he purred. He's looking for a moment to pounce - and I wouldn't give it to him. "I like that. You're not some nympho in heat who spreads her legs for anybody. You're much better than that - pickier, even. You've got higher standards than some of the other women I've been with." 

"Tch - I guess it's true what they say, then." My voice is thick with contempt.

He raised an eyebrow. "And what would that be?"

"That you can't keep it in you pants." The words were so bitter, rolling off my venomous tongue, that I was practically calling him a "slut" without saying it outright. 

"And you know how to talk dirty as well - marvelous." He swept my barbs as side like broom swept away the dustbunnies. "You've got everything a man like me could ever want in a woman. I bet you're a sexy beast in the bedroom. If I play this right, I'll find out soon enough."

I stood absolutely still, shocked to the spot. He's still so calm and collected, unaffected by whatever I've thrown at him. Meanwhile, I'm two seconds away from being overcome with panic. The little voice inside my head is screaming for me to get the hell out while I still could, to make a run for it. Any longer, and he'd have me right where he wanted me to be, and I'd have absolutely no chance to escape.

"I don't think that's something you should be telling me, Vivian," I told him in a warning tone. "In fact, I think you're trying to cross a line you have no business crossing. I don't know what you'd had in mind by bringing me here, but it's not going to happen. I'm not some cougar in heat."

"I know that." Another step forward, and another step back. "That's why you interest me. You won't just give into me - that's not your style. But that's precisely the reason why I brought you here, Lexie. I always did enjoy a challenge."

Pandemonium raged inside my body. The alarm bells rang simultaneously, crying of the present danger ahead. He advanced toward me, absolute hunger in his dark, sensual eyes. He was preparing to pounce! He was going to devour me right here and now.

No! I refused to let that happen. I needed to get out of there.

Before I even have a chance to run, he's all up against me, pinned against the door. The currents that coursed through me when our bodies touched nearly knocked me unconscious. I tried to scream, but only squeaks and hisses came out of my throat. 

Oh my God! Why the hell didn't I trust my instincts? Why didn't I listen?

What's he going to do with me?


	2. -2-

"Please don't hurt me," I squeak out, frightened to the point of tears. "Please, just let me go. If you let me go, I won't say anything to anyone..."

He chuckled, amused by my reaction. "Wow, what a turnaround! You're all strong and defiant from across the room, but once I'm up close, you wilt like a rose." His finger brushed against my cheek. "Don't worry - I'm not going to hurt you. I like it rough, but I promised you I'd be on my best behavior."

I bit my lip as his face dipped into the curve of my neck. Unconsciously, I inhaled deeply as he inhaled deeply. 

"What scent is that you're wearing? I've always wondered. It smells so good on you. Just delicious." The tip of his tongue ran along the curve of my neck. My legs gave out, but he kept me pinned in place. "Smelling it makes me want to do very questionable things - and I've done plenty of questionable things."

I can't look at him, even as his arms wrap around my waist, keeping me in place. My breath is shallow, and I can't stop shaking. I should fight for my survival, but I can't muster the strength. I'm paralyzed by the heat that spills forth from his body, nearly scalding mine.

"Why wouldn't you look at me, Lexie?" It the danger in his voice that keeps me silent. "You look at me all the time at the studio, don't you? You think I don't notice - but I do. All the time. It's what I look forward to every time we meet."

"I don't know what what you're talking about," I said through gritted teeth. "In think you're just reading into something that isn't - ah!"

His finger grabbed a hold of my chin. He jerked my face toward him, and our eyes finally met. His dark eyes radiated pure power and dominance. A liquid rush of arousal completely drenched my panties, and I knew from that point on, my body was no longer mine to control.

This felt so good. He felt so good. But I couldn't give in to it. He's forcing himself on me! I wouldn't take pleasure in that.

"Like I said - you aren't a very good liar. But that's okay - you don't have to lie to me anymore. We're both consenting adults here. There's no need for modesty. We can do whatever you wish now - I don't mind at all."

This isn't what I want! The words were in my mouth - on the tip of my tongue, even. This isn't what I want! He's trapped me here in his apartment, and I've got nowhere to run! This is rape! This is an assault! Just because he's a beautiful but arrogant young photographer who thinks he has the cock that everyone woman wants to ride does mean I'm one of them! This isn't what I want! This isn't what I want at all!

He crushed his mouth against mine. The words were burned to ashes.

"You want this, don't you?" His voice was smooth and all sorts of malicious. I refused to answer, but my silence said it all. It was enough for him. "You've always wanted this. That's why you're always looking at me. I must make you so very hot."

Even as his seduction completely intoxicated me, I resisted. 

"Please," I begged him. "Please, just let me go. I won't say anything to anyone..."

"And miss out on the chance to fuck you senseless? I think not." He says the world "fuck" as though it were "water" or "please", and says it with grace and fluidity, as though it weren't a naughty word. It had no affect on him. "Just relax and enjoy yourself Lexie - close your eyes if you makes you feel better. But you won't be going home anytime soon. I always take my time and you won't be disappointed."

Before my mind could even comprehend the promise he just made, he hitched up hem of my dress, pressing his thigh in between my legs. He smiled as my wetness began to soil his trousers. 

"I am making you hot," he whispered, triumphant. "The pussy never lies, does it? It's very clear about what it wants - even if you aren't." 

His eyes never left mine as his finger slipped under the band of my panties. I'm exposed to him in one swift swipe - and he's never looked happier. "I wonder if you taste as good as you smell."

Are you kidding? Is he...? No! He can't do that! He can't...

"OOOH!" A piercing cry ripped from my throat when his lips encircled my clit. I threw my head back, nearly undone by the pleasure of it all. My legs felt like jelly but he kept me pinned to the door. 

He shows me no mercy. He buries himself deeper in my moist, molten centre, flicking and suckling intensely. I arched my back, groaning out wild, guttural sounds. I bucked against him, and my hands went clutching at his hair. 

"Please." I'm begging now. I'm pleading for mercy - and for release. "Please, please..."

"Please what?" He cooed, proud of his affect on me. "What do you want me to do, Lexie? Tell me." 

I tensed myself up, still unwilling to fully submit to him, even if my body already had. He might have had my body, but that's all he had. I wouldn't give anything else to this arrogant prick who had the ability to give me this much pleasure.

I would never ever fully submit to him - never.

He sensed my resistance immediately. "Come on, Lexie, don't be like that." I bit back a moan as he attack my clit with long, teasing strokes. Jesus...it was all too much. And that he's stared at me the entire time makes me feel even hotter. "Tell me what you like, and I'll do it for you. After all, I aim to please."

"Mmm..." He slipped one finger inside me, and I was nearly undone. I could feel a powerful climax building deep inside me, promising a powerful release. The lethal combination of his lips around my clit and the friction from his agile fingers made me delirious. "Oh God..."

"Do you like this?" I could have smacked myself for letting those words slipped. Yes, I loved this. Oh God, yes, I loved the way he made me feel right now. But I wouldn't say it. Never. "Tell me - tell me how much you like it. I want to hear you say it."

I bit my lips so hard, I tasted blood. Even as he worked me over with his tongue and his fingers, I sensened him smirking at my attempts to hold back my satisfaction - his satisfaction. But I wouldn't give in - even if it put me in agony.

I was on the edge, on the advent of an orgasm, when Vivian's fingers tore his fingers out with a wet "squish". My entire body shuddered in frustration over being denied its needed release. In my stubbornness, I never considered that he could deny my satisfaction, just as I had denied his.

The game had changed now - and it was all in his favor.

"I have to admit, Lexie. I thought for sure you'd be the kind of woman who'd make herself seem classy when really, she has no class at all. But even as I do everything to make you concede, you still resist me." 

Well, what did you expect me to do when you forced me like this? I thought angrily. Show my gratitude? Submit? Be your little whore? Never! 

But as my mind rebelled against the pleasures he offered, my body called out to him, begging for him and his magical fingers and dancing tongue. The withdrawal was overwhelming, and he could see it plastered all over my face. He had the upper hand now, and he had ever intention of doing what he wanted with me.

"You leave me no choice, Lexie - I never, ever back down from a challenge." The look on his face exuded pure, devilish sensuality, the kind you only hear about in erotica anthologies. I'm breathless, quivering in anticipation. "I'm going to fuck you now - and you're going to beg me to fuck you. And I'm going to enjoy every single minute of it."

Keeping me pressed to the wall, he stood up, licking off the juices on his lips. One hand pushed down his trousers while the under pushed up my dress even higher. Vivian ripped off my panties and tossed them away without a word. He never stopped smiling as he pulled up my leg, crouched down, and shoved himself inside of me. I let out a startled cry as he lifted me up and thrust me against the door. The smile never left his face as my walls took all of him - my body's final betrayal.

"You're so tight." He held himself in place, though I could sense his eagerness. "I don't know if I'm going to last very long. But I'll certainly try."

I turned my head away as he began to slowly thrust in and out of me against that door. I wouldn't let him look at me - that would signal complete dominance. But he had other ideas.

"Look at me," he demanded. When I refused to comply, he wrapped his fingers around tendrils of my hair, forcing me to look at him. "Don't you know how rude it is not to look at someone when they're fucking you? It's very rude."

My hips move in time with his, like the rhythm of a metronome. I couldn't think straight - rational thought was well out of reach now. He tortured me as he made love to me, watching me as I squirmed in delight and in stubbornness. He was in no rush to show mercy. He'd pull himself out almost completely, smiling as whimpering at his deliberate torment. Yet my body felt alive - more alive then it had ever been, before and after my marriage. It felt good - incredibly good, being taken by this beautiful, veritable manslut who was well acquainted with his cock and definitely knew how to use it. 

I couldn't lie to myself anymore. I enjoyed this, all of this, and I couldn't hold back anymore.

"That's right, baby, just let it go," he whispered as my body relaxed. "All you have to do is tell me you want this - that's all. You won't regret it if you do."

"Please, please, don't stop," I pleaded, breaking my silence. 

"So, you give up, then?" He slid completely out of me and paused. "You submit?"

I hesitated. Should I do this? Am I really going to do this? "I..."

"Yes." I need this so bad. I'm on the edge once, needing, desperate for that final release. I want him so bad, I wanted this so bad. To hell with my pride. 

"I -" I repeated, tears welling in my eyes.

"Just tell me, Lexie." He planted a trail of kisses down the curve of my neck. "Tell me what you want."

"I...want you." My throat burned in defeat and it hurt like hell.

"What was that, sweetheart? I didn't hear you." He lifted his head, and our eyes met once again. "Tell me again."

"I want you!" The last shred of resistance faded away as tears streamed down my face. I gave in - I submitted to him. And now, I just didn't care about anything other than my pleasure. "I want you to fuck me right now!"

A most triumphant grin spread across his face before crushed hips lips against mine one again. "There - that wasn't so bad, was it?"

He thrust himself in me over and over again, harder, faster, and wild like a savage. My body, driven by primal instincts, moved in time with his. His fingers teased and taunted my clit once again. I could feel my climax building inside my pussy - and I knew it would rip me apart. But I didn't care. I didn't want to hold back anymore - fuck whoever heard me. I'd made it this far and there was no way I would turn back now. I just want to come and come hard - anything else was irrelevant. 

"Oh God! I'm! I'm! OOOH!" My body convulsed as the orgasm slammed hard within me. I rode wave upon wave of pleasure, relieved to reach the object of my struggles. I felt completely lost - I lost myself control, and I was lost in my deepest desires. "Vivian..."

He rammed into me one last night, growling like an animal as he came deep inside. Completely spent, we slid down the length of the door, collapsing onto the floor. I couldn't comprehend what just happened to me. All I knew is that Vivian just fucked me senseless - and I actually enjoyed it. Sweat caked my face, and beads of his seed were all over the hem of my dress. I could see where he tossed my panties. My pussy pulsed with the memory of him inside me.

"I was right," he whispered in my ear. "You are a sexy beast."

He nipped at my earlobe before rising from the floor. Meanwhile, I was still disoriented, catching my breath. I still couldn't think straight - but I knew I was satisfied. Now, I understood why women would kill to lure Vivian into their bedrooms.

Still - what the hell did I just do? I just had sex a guy eight years younger than me - and I liked it. Am I out of my mind? Am I insane?

Finally, the pleasure-induced fog of my mind clears up - only to see Vivian standing over me, camera in hand.

"Say cheese." With a flurry of click, he captured me in a vulnerable state - legs spread, eyes wide, hot, sweaty, with a cum-stained dress. "Wonderful. The camera definitely loves you."

I crashed back down to earth, and I felt like I was going to be sick.


	3. -3-

I told no one of my steamy encounter with Vivian. I was so ashamed and disgusted with myself, and I sure as hell didn't want anyone to find out what I did. I couldn't believe it - not only was I seduced by an promiscuous prick who was completely full of himself, but I begged him to fuck me. Just when I thought I couldn't suffer any further humiliation, he took a picture of me in my cum-soaked dress, still high off my orgasm.

Wonderful. The camera definitely loves you.

The memory of that smirk behind the camera makes me want to vomit.

I may have taunted him by calling him a "slut", but I was no better than all the countless other nymphos who spread their legs wide for him. All it took was once touch, and I let him play me like my name was Stradivarius. I might have been reluctant in the beginning, but in the end, he gave me the rope and I hanged myself with it.

Humiliation was too weak a word - "mortification" was more like it. 

I tried my hardest to forget all about it. When I got home that night, I scrubbed myself hard, wanting to wipe away all traces of him off my body. I put my dress through the wash twice, and vowed never to wear it again. And most importantly I called Elena and cancelled the rest of my lessons with Vivian effective immediately.

"Are you serious?" she said, incredulous. "Why on earth would you want to cancel lessons with that delicious piece of eye candy?"

"I have my reasons," I told her icily. "I'll pay for the remaining lessons if it makes you feel better, but I'm done. I can take it from here."

"Wow! He must have done something big if you're willing to go that far. What's the matter, Lexie? Did he flirt with you a little too much? Did he get under your skin?"

"I said I have my reasons." I sidestepped the question completely. "Send me a bill if you have to, but please understand when I say I never want to see him again. Ever."

She reluctantly respected my wishes, though she tried her hardest to get me to spill. I wouldn't budge. I would carry my dirty little secret to the grave with me. It would remain locked away in a deep, dark corner in of my mind and I'd never bother to think about it again. I threw myself into my work. I wouldn't go anywhere near Elena's studio - that's what got me trouble in the first place. Over and over again, I told myself that it as good as it was in the end, it was only a one-time thing. Vivian was probably on his way to another conquest so I needed to move on as well - simple as that.

But I should have known that it wouldn't be so easy. 

I was infected - inflicted with that memory of gifted lover and our mad, furious lovemaking. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw myself pressed against the door, writhing in silent ecstasy while he ate me out. I could hear his voice inside me head telling me that he would do what he wanted with me, and I'd not only consent to it - I'd beg for it. 

I was right. You are a sexy beast.

Every night, I'd wake up with a cold sweat and a drenched pussy. The orgasms I had just dreaming about it were just as intense as they were during the actual encounter. I would get so hot and bothered by my memories that I had to touch myself for relief. Me - touch myself? Normally, my imagination was enough to get me off. But because my mind and its vivid recollections were to blame for my madness, my clit faced frequent abuse. 

There are those who find secret pussy admiration in the workplace exciting and incredible hot. But for me it was absolute torture.

Just like his tongue.

What the hell was happening to me? It's just sex - really good, mind-blowing sex, but just sex nonetheless. Is this the baptism of a cougar - insanity over sex with a younger man? What bullshit! It's not like I went to his apartment, ripping off my clothes along the way! He pretty much forced me to have sex with him! And for some reason, that makes me hide in the women's bathroom, struggling to keep quiet while stroking myself, all the while while listening to some ditz prattle on about some sale at Macy's and how her boyfriend can't stand and deliver.

Fuck my life.

Hatred intoxicated me faster and harder than Vivian's cock ever could. He was at fault for this mess, and I refused to take any further responsibility. He assaulted me and found it all hilarious. I'd never forgive him for it. I bet if I went to the police and pressed charges, that would wipe that stupid grin off his face.

Never mind that I gave him my very audible consent.

The anger and hatred were enough to diffuse my wild, unbridled passion. Focusing on the hate made it easier to deal with the side effects. I had complete control of the situation. This time, I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he has me so fucked up. I wasn't some desperate woman who needed a man's touch! Divorce taught me that surrendering yourself completely was a huge mistake. By allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you opened the flood gates for heartache. I wasn't about to go through that shit again - I nearly lost my sanity because it and it took me two long years to get it together.

In short, I was scared shitless.

The truth was, the idea of having a such a primal connection, such an intense and overreaching need for someone like that frightened me. Let's be honest - what on earth was a beautiful - I mean really beautiful - twenty-four year old man who could and did have any woman he wanted doing sniffing around me? One could argue that "thirty-two" isn't old in the least, but I was nothing like those other young women Elena told me about. I wasn't hag. I took care of myself very well, exercised regularly, and while I won't ever be a model, I feel super in my own skin. I know I should be flattered by Vivian's attentions, but at the same, I know better, too. Guys like that don't pursue women like me when they have a stable of other women hanging on their every word. If they do, it's for trophy purposes - the "I can, so I did because I've got a big dick and I know how to use it" mentality. 

It burned me just to think about it. The reason I divorced my ass of an ex-husband, who is the embodiment of everything wrong with that mentality. I gave him my all, and I got played. Vivian was lucky - he played me like a fiddle against that door, but I wouldn't allow that to happen again.

Even if underneath the misplaced anger, my body called out to his, over and over again.

\------

Days passed, then weeks, and finally the month. The memories remained, but the wild fires had died down. My life regained some semblance of normalcy, much to my relief. I could complete my work without a secret bathroom break, and I slept through the night without a nightmare or a moist orgasm. I still kept a tight grip on my anger toward that asshole, but I no longer needed to stay focused. The temporary bout of insanity was finally over - I could breathe again.

I should have been happy. I wasn't miserable, like some lovesick teenybopper. I was more - unsettled. Even worse, I ached - the kind of ache that occurs when you wish for home or when you haven't had that certain something in a long while. Vivian did more than get me off - he scratched an itched I abandoned long, long ago.

That need - that ache for the kind of sex that you peek at on porno sites or read about in naughty books. The need for that kind of sex, that raw, dirty, and primal sex that changes lives that it changes underwear. The kind of sex where you don't give a fuck who hears you and maybe who even sees you because you just want to be fucked senseless. 

The kind of sex that you can only have when you let go of all your inhibitions. But you can only do that with the right person. I'd never done the things I did with my ex or anyone before him. Not because I didn't want to, but because I knew it was virtually impossible. Vivian, for all his pomp and circumstance, succeeded where all the other men failed.

I yearned for it. Oh yes, the dreams were gone, and the fingers behaved themselves, but I craved his touch, even if my mind held his grown and my heart steeled itself in for protection. Now that I'd had a taste of it, I wanted more, and I wanted to see where it took me. And I knew that if Vivian had his way, he'd take me to all sorts of places I'd never dreamed of, and I'd experience a multitude of pleasures that only a guy like him could afford me.

But now he was gone now, and I considered making a visit to my friendly neighborhood sex shop to buy his replacement. I decided that it was better that way. Double A batteries make the best partners anyway. They give you the pleasure you need with the bullshit and the mind games, and they won't turn around and screw everything up because of some dumb ass lie.

\------

"Oh no, Madame Du Pres, it's no problem at all," I huffed and puffed in the most mad and furious French I'd ever heard myself speak. I had one of our clients on the phone who needed a little reassurance. And since I'm the only person in the office who can speak the language. At least I was a few steps away from my door. "We're on track to complete the project on the day you requested. We have our best talent working on it."

I made my way to up the stairs to my apartment, hoping to hurry up and get this lady off the phone by the time I reached the door. Normally, I handle calls in the office, but this particular client was persistent, and I had to take the call on my cell phone. Now, I was trying get her off the phone without telling her explicitly how bloody paranoid she is. Then again, I think if I were launching a line of clothing complete with marketing blitz in an international market, I'd be a little antsy, too.

"Our research has indicated that there is definitely a demand for your product, and we have done everything we can to capitalize on this fact," I continued on, making it to my floor. Ten years of study in Chicago and two years abroad helped me become a fluent French speaker, but on a call like this, I couldn't afford to make any mistakes. "You don't know how excited we are about, Madame Du Pres. We are so honored that you trusted us with this account, and with all our combined efforts, we will make this launch a smashing success..."

My voice trailed. It's usually warm in here, but tonight, it felt chilly and eerie. I felt so uneasy, to the point of nausea. I quickly looked from left to right and all around - nothing. I was all alone, but in that brief moment, I felt like I was being watched. But hardly anyone comes around here, and all of my other neighbors are very secretive.

I might have save, but I was still shaken up. This isn't right. Something wasn't right, but I didn't know what it was. Alarm bells echoed inside me, instructing me to be aware.

The barking on the other line snapped me back into reality. "Allo? Allo?"

"Ah! Je suis désolée, Madame Du Pres!" I apologized profusely. "For a moment there I thought my cell phone provider dropped the call. In any case, I can assure you that we have the situation under control, but I welcome you to call me on my cell phone if you have any further concerns."

Thankfully, she ended the call, and I sighed, exhausted. For what they're paying for our services, constant reassurance was necessary. In any case, I placated her and now, I could enjoy my weekend in peace...hopefully.

I noticed the envelope just as I put my key in the door. The name "Lexie" was scrawled across the center in loose, fluid handwriting.

That eerie feeling overwhelmed me once again as I held it in my hands. As I pinched the corners of the red envelope, I wondered if it would be better to just through it away and pretend that I never found it. The envelope had two strikes against it - it was delivered directly to my door and I couldn't recognize the handwriting. Add to that the stories of families being sent anthrax or mini-bombs through letters like this one and throwing it away seemed like a no-brainer.

But my fingers made the decision for me, sliding underneath the flap and opening it up with a long rip. 

Okay - here goes nothing.

I sighed in relief when I discovered there was no anthrax in it. Thank God - I would live another day. But on further inspect, I discovered there was a picture inside. It didn't seem very suspect at first. Maybe it was something Elena shot that she wanted to share with me. But Elena usually invites me over to her house for that kind of stuff, and as I slipped the photo out of the envelope, the nausea circling inside my stomach confirmed that this was nothing Elena could or would ever send me.

There I was - sprawled out on his hardwood floor, spread eagle, still in a sexual euphoria, and wearing a cum-stained dress.

This is the picture he took of me that night in his apartment - a picture that he could show to anyone, that anyone could see of me.

Oh my...

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" The sound of the footsteps meld in time with the beats of my heart. Everything goes cold...but also excited. It rises like the dawn of a new day. "It's one of the best photos I've ever taken. It's so raw - I literally caught you on cloud nine, so to speak. I meant what I said that night - the camera loves you, Lexie."

...shit.


	4. -4-

I held the picture close as though it were a shield. And it was a shield - a shield for my eyes. It kept me for seeing the truth as it advanced toward me. Even if I couldn't see him, I could envision that confident grin on his face. My brain was lit up. Was this really happening? What was I going to do about it?

"What are you doing here?" I managed to say in my frenzy. "How do you know where I live?"

"Elena told me, of course," he responded with a chuckle. "I told her that you left something at my house, and I really needed to give it back to you. Being your friend, she insisted on doing it herself. But you can I see why I...convinced her otherwise."

Tears brimmed in my eyes. But I didn't know if I was afraid for my life, or if I was so overwhelmed by his aura and this sudden reunion that it brought me to tears.

"I didn't know you spoke French, Lexie," he continued on in that low, relaxed voice that seemed almost musical. "I didn't understand I would you said but you made me hot anyway. I think French is a beautiful language, don't you? It sounds so sexy coming out of your mouth. I almost had to pop one off."

"What are you doing here?" I demanded, steeling myself. There was no way in hell I would allow him to overwhelm me again. "I cancelled my lessons with you. I told her I didn't want to see you ever again."

"Yes, that's what she told me. But what can I say? I can be very stubborn sometimes. And I didn't believe her - or rather, I don't believe you."

His footsteps stop right in front of me, and the air is thick with anticipation. My hands were balled in a tight fist, ready to fight for my survival. Just like that, the anger and the rage I gathered for him rushed back in a torrential flood. How dare he come to my house and disrespect my wishes to be left alone? Just who did he think he was?

"Ooh, you look like you're about to burst, and sadly, I don't mean that in a good way." He took the picture from my hands, and I turned my head so our eyes wouldn't meet. The stubborn woman was out in full force. "Don't worry, I only printed one of these for you. I have no desire to share you with anyone else. I just wanted you to see what I see whenever I look at you."

I stopped myself from heaving. "You need to leave, Vivian. Leave, and take your filthy arrogance with you. Or I'll start screaming and then it'll only be a matter of time before the police arrive and take you away."

"You wouldn't do that." He sounds absolutely sure of himself.

"Yes, I will." I wasn't so sure of myself. "I will make an absolute fuss if I have to, now leave!"

"And here I thought you might have missed me." I fought to keep my composure when he reached out and ran his fingers through my hair. Good God... "I'm not one for religion, but Lord knows I've missed you."

His eyes were firmly on me, burning through the defenses I worked so hard to put up. Thirty days of resolve began to crack within thirty seconds of being in his presence. I was in a panic. 

"You need to leave," I repeated firmly. "You've got three seconds. Three."

He didn't look convinced. "Now, Lexie..."

"Two!" I snarled.

"Lexie."

"One!" I opened my mouth, prepared to let out the loudest shriek that I could muster. Anything to get him to run away...

Without another word, he lift his finger and pressed it to my lips. It felt so smooth and cool, like porcelain. I stared at him in disbelief, stunned by how easily he shushed me. 

"Shh..." he began in a whisper. "No yelling in the hallway. Besides, there's no need to get the neighbors involved. There will be time enough for that later..." His voice trailed. "...that is, if you give me permission to."

A desire more powerful than hate nearly took over me, overwhelming my sense of self-control. Once again, I found myself in between getting away and giving in - and the latter assaulted me with everything I had. I wanted to kiss those fingers as they slid down my lips. I wanted to guide them into my mouth and wrap my tongue all around them, giving him a taste of what I could be capable off if given the right opportunity.

My body was in a frenzy, and my fear neared its fever pitch. What was it about this man that made want to give into a sensuality I dared not even considered before I met him?

I had to keep resisting. I couldn't give it. I just couldn't. The uncertainty was terrifying.

"Haven't your heard me calling out to you - or shall I say, my body calling out to yours?" he whispered in my ear. Yes...yes, I did. But I wouldn't tell him. "I waited and I waited, hoping you'd answer the call. I really needed you, Lexie. I just had to have you again. But you had to go and hide, like I was a monster or something."

"You are a monster."

"Is that so? Am I really that intolerable to you, Lexie?"

I laughed bitterly. "Are you for real?"

"So, that's a 'yes', then?"

My blood was literally on the first of boiling over. "Can you blame me for wanting to keep my distance from you? You forced yourself on me! You planned it all from the beginning!"

At first, he stared at he wordless, and for a moment, I thought I finally managed to put a chink in his armor. But then he cupped my cheek, and jerked my head so that our eyes finally locked. The raw electricity that crackled between us nearly paralyzed me.

"The last time I checked, you can't rape the willing." The tone he used was low, like the quiet growl of tempted wolf and was all kinds of dangerous. "And if I remember correctly, not only did you say you wanted me, but you also wanted me to fuck you."

The added emphasis on the word "fuck" nearly turned on the waterworks. I willed myself to focus on the task at hand - getting him the hell away from me. Even if he had me seeing red, I knew I couldn't guarantee that I would be able to resist him completely. I failed miserably before - what would make this time any different?

"I didn't have a choice," I spat out, still refusing to own up to my desire. "I weren't going to let me go..."

"You never once told me to stop," he pointed out. "Not. Once."

I opened my mouth to spew more of my vitriol when it hit me - hard. He was right - I didn't tell him to stop. I might have resisted giving voicing my pleasure, but that's just it - I felt pleasure. Dark, delicious, and satisfying pleasure. I enjoyed having sex with him, even if I was determined to never admit it.

"If you really wanted to leave me, you would have," he continued calmly. "And I'd have allowed it. I don't get off on forcing a woman to have sex with me.Sex is so much better when both parties want it. Otherwise, it's just a sick person's way of controlling an otherwise uncontrollable person or situation. And the last thing I want is to control you."

"Tch - says the man who pinned me to a wall."

"A door, actually." Ugh, his smugness appalled me. How the hell is someone so confident like that? It's uncanny. "And again, if you insisted, I would have let you go. But you didn't - and I admit, I was impatient. I've wanted you since the first day we met, and when I finally had you, I couldn't help myself. You're very lucky - I almost lost control several times, but I kept myself in check."

"Well, aren't you considerate," I said with a sarcastic grin.

"Ah, there's that sly grin of yours." His voice dropped to a whisper. The waterworks threatened to rush forth at any minute. "I missed that and your smile. I can't get it out of my head, no matter how hard I try. I can even get it up for anyone else now because of you. You might have given in me to me, but it seems you tamed me in the process." 

He took one step forward, and I took one step back, only to feel the wall at my back. Oh no, not again! I allowed him to trap me again! Am I really that stupid?

"I'm not doing this," I warned him. "I admit it. That night with you at your apartment was enjoyable - very enjoyable."

A catty grin spread across his face. "I knew that. The picture pretty much illustrates it."

"But it can never happen again," I finished forcefully. I might have sounded determined, but inside, I knew I was weak. "Ever."

"I beg to differ, Lexie."

"No, I mean it." I stood my ground, keeping my trembling on the inside. "I'm not going to let this happen again. I'm not an eagle, so I don't spread my legs or anything else. You're right - you seduced me and I allowed myself to be seduced. But that's where it ends, Vivian. I know better now - I'm not stupid. I will never allow it to happen again."

My fists were balled so tight, I could see the whites of my knuckles. I gathered every ounce of my hatred toward this beautiful man, preparing for my last stand. I meant it, damn it! I wasn't going to submit to him or any other man. I wouldn't allow myself to be vulnerable to that raw sensuality that made me weak in the knees. This was all a game for him - torment plain and simple. I had my pride, a pride that took me a long time to restore. There is no way in hell this young punk would steal it away from me!

It was a stand-off. Even if only a few inches separated us physically, we stood on different ends of this spectrum of temptation. He was determined to seduce me, and I was determined to prevent myself from being seduced. We stood in absolute silence, the ticking of an invisible clock pounding in my head. With every tick, my mania increased. With every moment I remained in his presence, my composure got closer and closer to cracking, even though my eyes were level with his, and my face carried a stone-like expression.

And then, he spoke so quietly, "I've frightened you."

Boom - target hit. "W-What?"

"I said, I've frightened you. I can see it in your eyes, Lexie. You look like you're about tear me apart, and not in a good way." His features softened, and he didn't look nearly as arrogant. He actually looked concerned. "I'm beginning to think that I went about all of this the wrong way, after what Elena told me."

My eyes widened. "What are you talking about? What the hell did she say about me?" He kept quiet. My impatience grated me in every painful way possible. "Spit it out! What did she say?"

"That you had gone through a rough divorce, and that you pretty much swore off men."

I'll kill her. "Is that right?"

"You tell me." He cocked his head from one side to the other, eyes still focused on me. "I think she's right, though. And it would explain why you cancelled the lesson all of a sudden."

"I cancelled them because you don't know a damn thing about keeping things professional."

"And you don't know how to lie properly," he snapped back, a dark edge to his tone. "I see it all now. I got under your skin and into you pussy, and you couldn't handle it. So, you ran away."

"No." I struggled to keep my voice from wavering. "You don't know what you are talking about..."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about. You enjoyed being with me -"

"No..."

"And you enjoyed submitting to me. But doing that contradicted your vow to keep away from men, even ones that could satisfy you more than you could have every dreamed of."

I could stop myself from shivering. "Shut up."

"You know, I'm not as heartless as you paint me out to be, Lexie." His voice was soft again, but instead of the sensual edge, it was soothing - maybe even sympathetic. "Believe it or not, I'm empathize with your situation - I do."

"And what situation is that?" I said, stumbling over my words.

"That your ex-husband cheated on you." His words were a punch in the stomach. "I wasn't expecting Elena to reveal that much about you, but when she did, I admit - my heart ached for you. I can understand now how hard it was for you to admit that you wanted me..."

"Stop, just stop right now." I was half-demanding, and half-pleading, and I didn't know much longer I could hold back my anger. "I don't want to hear anymore. You know nothing about me, Vivian - nothing! You're just some pompous kid who marked another notch on his wall by sleeping with an older woman. Bravo to you!" I mockingly gave him applause. "You must be so proud of yourself, taming a cougar!"

I braced myself for his reaction, fully expecting anger, even rage. But he eyes were still gentle, and his voice remained soft. "You talk about me knowing nothing about you. But if you knew anything about me, you'd know that I see as much more than a cougar - that you don't deserve to be classified by such a tasteless title."

"And if you knew anything about me, you'd know that after all the shit I've been through, after all the time I took to get my act together, I could never be proud of throwing it all away to a conceited, verifiable young man whore!" 

I don't know if it was the softness of his voice or the sweetness of his words, or even if it was his gentle expression. But the dam broke, and venom and vitriol spilled forth in torrential flood of hidden resentment, hurt, pain, and suffering. Everything about me screamed anger - the violent shaking, the shallow panting, and itch in my fingers. He drew blood, and now, I wanted revenge. He'd gone too far, and he needed to be punished!

I would hurt him as much as others had hurt me.

But in the blink of an eye, my anger was replaced with deep, almost infinite sadness. The regret was the worse, heavy on my chest, nearly crushing my lungs. I covered my mouth as the tears flowed freely from my eyes. 

"That - that was way out of line, wasn't it?" He remained silent, and I could read his expression at all. It made me feel even worse. "I'm sorry. I should go..."

Wordlessly, his arms wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me into his warmth. I cried out, caught off-guard, and my entire body tensed up. 

"Vivian, what are you..."

"Don't," he warned, a sharp edge to his voice. My desire to speak was promptly extinguished. "Don't say anything. Just close your eyes and listen."


	5. -5-

My eyes fluttered closed before I had a chance to protest the order. There was something about unleashing my rage and being in Vivian's arms that led me to a moment of tranquility. All of this emotional turmoil left me exhausted. To just stand there and listen to his soft voice seemed like a reasonable thing to do.

"I just want you to listen to the sound of my voice, Lexie. I don't want you to do anything. If I happen to ask you a question, I just want you to nod or shake your head - all right?" I opened my mouth to speak, and once again, he shushed me with his a slender finger. "If you understand what I've said, just nod."

I gave him a slow nod, and he rewarded me with a smile. 

"Good - very good. Now, close your eyes and listen to my voice - and only my voice. I don't want you to listen to anything inside your head - it'll only complicate things. It sounds hard as hell, I know. But I need you to trust me and trust that I'm not here to hurt you. Can you do that, at least temporarily?"

I hesitated - fear still pulsated within my heart - before nodding. He pressed me closer to him, and his warmth put me at ease again. 

"Thank you. I appreciate that." I shivered as his leaned over and kissed my earlobe. "Now, take a deep breath for me. Go on - take it."

I hesitated before inhaling, then exhaling deeply. Softness - that's what I felt all over my body. A tender, still softness. I knew there was a risk in being to close to Vivian like this. He could do anything to me right now, and I wouldn't see it coming. Yet for some odd reason, I felt no clear and present danger in his arms right now. Even after I used my words as daggers to do him harm, I knew he had no intentions to retaliate.

What a difference a moment makes.

"That's right. You don't need to afraid. I'm not a monster - I'm just a man. A man that happens to find your very attractive and very irresistible." He ran his fingers through my hair. "Hmm, does that scare you, Lexie? That someone like me can find someone like you irresistible?"

He's talking about the age difference. He doesn't even have to say it out right - it's one of many elephants in the hallway. I couldn't believe it. He's as adept with his perception ability as he is with his lovemaking, and his warmth is an effective truth serum. Because his voice was so soft and so sweet, I couldn't accuse him of arrogance. He actually sounded like he cared, that there was more to him than being a prick with a busy dick. 

I clung to it. I knew it could very well bite me in the ass later. But I was hungry for some kind of care and validation, and Vivian was offering. I wouldn't say "no".

"But I do, Lexie. Attraction is not something I lie about. Either I'm attracted or I'm not. If I'm not, life goes on, and if I am, well, I act on it. You believe that, don't you?" N-Nod. Nod. "I feel it for you in Spades, Lexie. It's a very strong feeling - maybe even an affliction.

"It's so funny, Lexie. You may accuse me of being a 'slut', but I haven't been able to look at another woman, much less touch one this entire month. I've only wanted you - hungered for you even. Normally, I let other women give me pleasure, but I wanted you so bad that I had to pleasure myself." 

He reached out for my hand, and I nearly jumped out of skin when he pressed my fingertips against the bulge of his pants. He was hard - so hard, it felt like the zipper struggled to keep itself together. My eyes widened in fear, and I could feel myself shaking again.

"No, no, no, don't be afraid," he whispered. "I promised I wouldn't hurt you. I just wanted you to feel what you do to me. I'm not going to lie to you. I'm hurting here. I want you so much. It's one thing to want you when I'm all alone, but now that I'm here close to you, inhaling your scent, it's absolute torture."

Gently, he guided my fingers, letting them move back and forth, forth and back. Heat - it made its way down the length of my fingertips, the length of my arms until it reached my passionate core. I should have felt disgusted and ashamed. He clearly wasn't trying to get me to jack him off, but I was still touching his hardness through his pants nonetheless. But this...this wasn't dirty at all, nor was it coercion. 

"See - I don't bite," he said with a soft chuckle. "There's nothing wrong about this. There is nothing dirty about being seduced or giving into your seducer." With my eyes closed, every touch was further amplified with sensuous, passionate intent. With every passing moment, I felt any desire to resist him slip further and further away. "Most people, when they think of seduction assume that one party coerces another party into doing their bidding - and of course, the bidding is always unsavory. But that's not what seduction really is at all. It's all about trust - and removing fear. It's true that someone who seeks to seduce you wants to sexually, but it's not about fucking and running away. It's not about marking a notch on the wall. It's about making a woman feel like she can be herself sexually with you - and being able to enjoy that freedom along with her."

He kissed the corners of my mouth, gently, delicately. Temptation coursed in my blood. I wanted so much to press my mouth against his and kiss him with all the passion that I could muster. But I was still afraid. I wasn't convinced of my safety yet. I needed him to continue to persuade me.

"I enjoyed you in my apartment that night, Lexie. You might have resisted before, but once you finally let you go, you were amazing. Hmm...have you ever done that before?" I shook my head, feeling quite embarrassed. "Never, not even once?" Shake. I could feel the rumble of his laughter against my neck. "I'm a very lucky man, then. You may not feel this way, but you trusted me to show me what a sexy beast you really are. For that, I thank you."

My eyes gazed at his mouth. This was madness - absolute madness. A few moments ago, I was ready to rip into little pieces and bury him in a clandestine location in the woods. But now, I craved the sweetness of his mouth, the feel of soft, apricot lips kissing mine. I've never wanted something so much in my life. I was hungry, so very hungry. He gave me a taste of what it could be like to submit, to partake in carnal delights with the right person. 

One hour ago, I never wanted to see him ago. Now, I scolded myself for being so stubborn when I could have spent this past month doing all sorts of unmentionable things with him.

"You look like you want to say something," he whispered against my earlobe. I was shivering all over again - not out of anger, but out of anticipation. "Do you?"

I open, and close my mouth. I'd already decided, and my fate was sealed. Now it was all just a matter of finding my voice.

"You...you won't hurt me, right?" I asked in a small voice. 

"What?"

I squeezed back my tears. "I...I don't really know what the hell I'm doing right. I don't really know you, and all I have is your word."

He nodded. "Yes."

"And you could break that word anytime."

Softer. "Yes."

"But just like you...I'm afflicted with something that only you can cure me of." My fingers drifted up and down his arms. Now, he was shivering. "It's your fault - and I want you to take responsibility."

His grin would make the Cheshire Cat proud. "What are you saying, Lexie?"

I sighed as the last bastion of defense burned away in the inferno of my wants and needs. "That, I want you, Vivian." I looked into his eyes. "That I really...really...ne-" Need? No, never, it's not like that. "- want you right now."

Before he could accuse me of being uncertain, before my fear could return and push me toward retreat, I cupped his face in my hands and pressed my trembling mouth against his.

I wondered how his mouth could taste so erotically sweet. 

Oh my God, I thought, surprised at myself. Am I really going to do this? Am I really, really doing this?

I pulled away, breathing shallow, still shivering. My finger played with the buttons on his shirt, still afraid of the feelings brewing inside me. I needed reassurance. Like Vivian said - I needed to know that this was okay, and that I didn't need to be afraid.

But Vivian never said a word. He simply watched me and waited silently. He wasn't going to be forceful this time. No - he was leaving it all up to me.

Can I...can I really do this? I slipped one, the two buttons through their buttons holds. I think I can...

"No, wait." My body tensed up all over again when Vivian caught hold of my wrists. Fear barreled toward me with breakneck speed. Shit, this is such a mistake... "No, not here. Your apartment - your bedroom. I don't want to share you with your neighbors. I want you all to myself this time."

The hallway...? Oh my Lord, we were still in my hallway! I was so caught up in all of this that I forgot where I was. I'm surprised that none of my neighbors came out to peek at all the commotion. But then again, it's a Friday night, and my building is full of professionals - they're probably out clubbing or drinking somewhere, and won't be back until later on in the night.

We entered my apartment in silence, his warm hand in mine. The fear slowed its pace, but it never complete went away. But I knew the time for running was over. But then again, I had no desire to run. I guided him into my bedroom, swath in cream sheets and a feather comforter, mahogany, and street lights streaming in from the windows. I sat down, and he sat right next to me.

This...this was really happening. The air was thick with anticipation. Now that we were in my room, staring at each other with wanting eyes, it was all real for me now. There was no doubt about it - we were going to have sex in my room tonight. But I couldn't help but wonder - I could really trust him to keep his word? More importantly, could I trust myself and desires to a young man who could very well turn them against me?

I didn't know how I'd feel in the future, but right now, I felt like I could, if only for this moment. That's what I wanted - needed - to believe.

I leaned over, and pressed my lips against his once again. He didn't hungrily have at them like he did last time. He followed my lead, kissing back with the same warmth and tenderness I offered him. My fingers played with his buttons again, the feel of those smooth buttons swirling with the feeling of wanting my skin against his. One popped button lead to another, and before long, the abs that taunted me through the lining of his shirt last time were in my sights. 

My breath came out in one quiet hiss.

"Why must you be so beautiful?" I whispered sadly as I eased the shirt off of him. It fell to the floor with a quiet rustle. I reached over and let my fingers drift down the length of his smooth, golden chest. "Jesus, you're so beautiful, it's almost sinful."

My insecurity froze me in place. There was one good thing about door sex with Vivian - it didn't give me time to think or be insecure because I was too caught up in the moment. But now, all of my inner demons wouldn't stop sneering at me, messing with my head.

You're inadequate.

You're not sexy.

You're vanilla.

You can't please anyone in bed.

Messing with a twenty-something? You really have no shame, do you?

You will never be good enough - ever. That's why your husband left you. And this one will laugh about how worthless you are with a woman much more beautiful than you will ever be.

The ghosts of my pasts interfered with my present - and they were winning.

"Lexie." He placed his hands on top of mine. 

With one word, he swept away my insecurities as easily as he did my protestations. That's right - he wanted this as much as I did. We both wanted this - that much was clear.

I leaned over and kissed him, over and over again. The kisses stared off slow and lingering. I could stop myself from moaning against his mouth. He felt so good next to me like this. I knew he was promiscuous, and I knew it could blow up in my face again, but damn it, it just felt so fucking good that I couldn't be bothered to care. 

"Can I?" I watched as he reached out for the buttons on my dress. "Please?" Confident nod. "Thank you."

His fingers made quick work of my buttons - of course he would be good at this. My breath hitched as he eased it off my shoulders. When he caught sight of my black lace bra, it was as if he struck gold.

"So, you're that kind of woman," he murmured. "Prim and proper on the outside, but so very sexy underneath your clothes." My dress took its place beside his shirt on the ground beneath it. "And look, you've got stockings and panties to match." His fingers moved across my stomach. "Shit, you're going to make me beg for it. I need you so bad."

"How badly?" My lips curved gently. I needed to hear this. I needed that one last bit of validation. "How badly do you want me?"

"Very, very badly." His breath was ragged, and his entire body shook, as though he were trying to contain himself. It should have frightened me to see him like that. Instead, it made me drunk with power, bold enough to reach other and unbutton his trousers, sliding them right off. Just knowing that he wanted to have at me so much empowered me. Maybe I'm not bad after all. "Just say the word, Lexie. Just say the word, and I'll make it worth your while."

I don't say a word. Rather, I let my actions speak for me. I drew him closer to me, and he in turn guided us down onto me bed. He placed himself in firmly in between my legs, his cock practically begging for release. My mouth hungrily sought his mouth, and his lips devoured mine. I didn't want to wait anymore. I'd had enough of the build up. I just wanted him. 

"I don't care what you say - you're the beautiful one." Fingers moved down my stomach, lighting little fires along the way. "Just a warning to you, though. I promised I wouldn't hurt you, but I can't guarantee that I'll be gentle."

Oh lord... "I never asked you to..."

"I know you didn't. But it's as said. You make me want to do strange things." His fingers moved upward now, until they rested on the front clasp of my bra. In one quick motion, it was undone and my breasts were free from their lacey constraints. "Jackpot."

"Ah!" I threw my head back as lips pursed around my nipple. I nearly jumped out from under him, but he kept me in place. I could think or even breath anymore - it was all too much. "Jesus, Jesus..."

I circled my hips against him, looking for any kind of relief as he licked, nipped, and sucked on nipples, never allowing one or the other to be left alone for too long. So good - how the hell can something feel so fucking good yet so fucking intense? I couldn't handle all these sensations, the warmth of his tongue, the feel of his teeth giving playful bite before working his magic again. Juices burst forth from my pussy over and over again. 

"I cant, I can't," I panted, pushing him away. He grinned proudly. "I can't, it's too much..."

"What? Do you want me to stop?" He held my gazing, waiting for an answer. I kept silent. I didn't want him to stop. It just felt so good. Never have I felt so good like this. "Just tell me, and I'll stop right now and leave." He kissed in between my breasts. "If that's what you want."

I remained silent. It was the answer he needed. 

"You can handle this, Lexie. All of it. You've wanted something like this for a while, haven't you? Now that it's here, revel in it." His fingers slipped underneath the band of my panties. Slowly, pulled them down my legs and let them fall away. "We've got a month to make up for. I'll be here all night."

He spreads my legs apart, lowering his head in between them. My body twitched in agitation as he kissed the inside of my thighs. I looked down at him looking up at me, delight twinkling within his dark eyes. I whimpered, half-afraid and half-excited, wanting him yet wanting to push him away. When his tongue licked the juices off pussy the first time, I bucked my hips, trying to get him away. "I can't!" 

"Relax, Lexie. Just relax and enjoy yourself." I arched my back, delirious and euphoric as he lapped and sucked at my pussy. "Just keep breathing. Just enjoy it."

So good - so, so good. How could it be legal to feel so good? He feasted on me, eating me in earnest as though he faced the gas chamber. I couldn't help myself. It felt so fucking good. I grabbed a patch of his hair and pushed him even closer. His tongue slid inside me, then out, over and over, faster and faster. I threw my legs over his shoulders, giving him even deeper access.

"Don't stop, don't stop!" I pushed his face even closer. A steady stream of profanities spewed from my mouth. "God, I'm gonna cum..."

"Ugly words from such a beautiful face." He sat up, that familiar smug grin his face. "Does Madame du Pres know that you have such a dirty mouth?"

He leaned over and claimed my mouth again. I could taste myself on his lips, and that made me even more emboldened. I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted him - no, I needed him. 

"I want to come in now." I watched as his slide his boxers right off, his cock finally springing forth in jubilant freedom. Fear tried to make some headway, but was quickly squashed by my hungry libido. "I won't wait anymore. I've waited enough."

Me, too - I'd waited enough. I spent so many years suffering in silence, my needs unfulfilled and my desires largely ignored. And now, here was this man who not only understands my desires, but could fulfill every one. I might have resisted before, but I wouldn't do that now. The cougar was out - and she was fucking hungry.

"Fuck me, then." I didn't pull any punches.

For the first time, he looked taken aback. "What did you say?"

"I said, 'fuck me, then'." My grin was triumphant. "And don't you dare hold back on my - OOH!"

He was buried deep inside with one perfect slide. I growled, spewing out even more expletives. Vivian did not hold back in the least. His fingers teased my clit as he pounded my pussy over and over again. The air was filled with the sounds of hard, furious slapping, and a chorus of sighs and guttural noises. He never looked more irresistible to me than he did in that moment, covered in sweat, keeping my legs spread apart as he moved deeper and deeper inside me.

I couldn't handle this - I really couldn't handle this pleasure. It feel so...oh my God and I...oh shit, he felt so fucking amazing. And then, when he hit that fabled wall - oooh, I just couldn't hold back anymore.

I screamed as the orgasm crashed into me over and over again, one after another. Vivian wasn't far behind. He pushed in one last time, growling as his body convulsed. He collapsed onto of me, out of breath. I was exhausted - extremely satisfied, but very exhausted. 

"You sexy beast," he murmured against my mouth. "I hope you're happy. You wore me out."

I laughed. "And that's a bad thing - why?"

"Hmm...you're right." And he kissed me once more.

\------

Click. Click. You are so exquisite...

The sound of the shutter speed was enough to stir me from my sleep. I tried to get up, even though I was still very tired. My eyes were still blurry, but I could make out a silhouette in the distance. 

"Vivian?" The silhouette responded, turning toward my voice. My vision focused, and sure enough, it was Vivian, very naked and very sweaty. "What are you doing?"

"No, don't get up." At once, he was upon me, pushing me back into bed. "It's all right?"

"Did I...hear a camera?" Apprehension gripped me. "You...you weren't taking pictures, were you?"

He didn't respond. Instead, he slipped in between the covers and climbed on top of me. I was already hard again - and my pussy tingled in response, excited over the prospect of a second round.

"You just had to wake up again, didn't you? Now, I'm hard again. I can't help it - you're too damn sexy. Still, you should own up to your part in this mess."

"But...ooh!" His fingers were already playing with my clit. "Oh God..."

He was distracting me - and I knew that. He had taken a picture of me, otherwise he wouldn't have avoided the question. He clearly had an agenda, and I needed to find out what it was...

...right after that orgasm.

And the next one.

And the one after that.


	6. -6-

The night we spent at the Violet Underground, supposedly one of the sexiest clubs in the world, only exacerbated my fears. When he asked me to go with him, I turned him down at first. I am not one for clubbing. I never saw the point in it and I never thought I was attractive enough to go clubbing. But Vivian insisted that we go, to change things up a little.

"I want to show you off, Lexie," he whispered to me. "It's a place where the sexy people go, so of course, we should be there."

"I didn't realize clubs had 'show off your trophy cougar' nights," I sneered, hiding my deep insecurities. "Does the one who brings the most pathetic cougar win a prize?"

He laughed quietly. If he was offended by my bard, he never let on. "They very well could have stuff like that, especially since cougars go hunting for cubs there. But we both know you're ineligible for that stuff. I just want to have a little fun with you, that's all. Or are you ashamed to be seen in public with me?"

My eyes widened, caught off-guard by his insinuation. Was he for real? He was smoking hot. I, while not a hag, was anything but. On paper, it seemed like he should have been ashamed to be seen with me. It was my motivation for keeping things quiet. "No - never that, Vivian."

"Then you'll go out with me." It was already decided. "You'll be on your sexiest dress and you'll dance seductively for me. I promise, I'll be on my best behavior, though I already know it'll be very difficult to do."

I doubted that, yet it excited me just thinking about it.

The fated night arrived, and I was a nervous wreck. I wore this black kimono-sleeve mini dress that had a plunging neckline in the front and the back. It was a gift from Elena last year to encourage me to get back into the dating pool and have done. I'd hoped that it wasted away in my closet forever, but it was the sexiest thing in my entire closet, and since Violet Underground was a sexy club, I had no other choice to wear it. Paired with a clutch and strappy booties, and I was dressed appropriately for total epic humiliation.

If Vivian wasn't ashamed to be seen with me before, he certainly would be now.

But the opposite happened once he arrived at my apartment. He stood there for a while, looking at me - I mean, really looking at me. And just when I thought I he didn't like, he grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me into the hallway, demanding that I lock the door.

"If I don't get you out of here now, I'm going to carry rip that dress off you and fuck you where you stand."

"So, I guess you like the dress, then," I squeaked out, breathless.

The night started off well enough. The bouncer let us in, we were ushered to our private booth, and we sat together, just enjoying the surrounding. Vivian didn't mind being seen with me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and held me close. Any guy who was silly enough (or had questionable eyesight) to try to speak to me was brushed away by Vivian. Without acting like a neanderthal, he made it know that I was with him that night.

I found it very delicious.

But I'd come to find out that the other men weren't who I worried about. It was the women - the throngs of beautiful, salacious, and lustful women who could swoop in and tempt him away at any time. So, so gorgeous, with their glitter make up and tight-fitting dresses that left nothing to the imagination. 

And tempt him they did. 

It didn't matter if I was there, sitting right beside him. They simply ignored me or waited for their chance to pounce. Time after time, I watched as they leaned over and whispered into his ear, brushing their fingers against the back of his hand while they tried to convince him to ditch me and come back to theirs for the most amazing sex ever.

He never touched any of them back. He didn't even really look at them, either. Maybe a sideways glance, but nothing more. Nonetheless cut me deeply to see him like that.

I never had it in me to go up to those hussies and tell them to go fuck themselves. It's not my style anyway. Instead, I watched in agony, suffering in silence while my insecurities at me alive.

And he just seemed to enjoy the attention. He turned them away, but he always allowed them the opportunity to convince him.

How the fuck do you compete with that? If I couldn't keep up with my ex-husband in his normal glory, how could I keep up with pretty boy there?

I couldn't.

It made me absolutely ill, so ill, that I just wanted to leave. But just as I got up, this young man approached me while Vivian was accosted at the bar, a gleam in his eyes.

"You look like you want to dance with a guy like me." His delivery was terrible, and his nasal voice didn't do him any favors. At least he was dressed well and was fairy attractive - nothing like Vivian, though. "Lucky for you I came around when I did. I love this song."

I was just about to respectful decline his offer when it dawned on me - this young man provided me with the perfect opportunity to give it back to Vivian. The rage brewed inside me all over again. That no-good, arrogant, cocky little prick! Did his itch need scratching that much? Did he bring me in here just to show me how lucky I was because he could have anyone he wanted and just "decided" to stick with me out of pity? 

Fuck him! Fuck him and his dick!

Just who the fuck did he think he was, keeping all the other men away (not that I was interested in the first place) yet flaunting his sex appeal in my face? He must think I'm some kind of fool, thinking that I would stand for this crap!

I stared daggers in his direction. All I got was a sly nod and a grin for my efforts. 

So, it was like than then?

Oh, hell no. 

The side of me who hated Vivian and the things he did to me came barreling, and she wanted blood. If he could enjoy a little attention, so could I. I'm a grown woman - and I didn't need permission from anyone, least of all him.

"I can see why you like it," I said, arising from my chair. "But I warn you, I'm not a very good dancer. I may need a few lessons, if you don't mind."

"Not at all. I'll be happy to teach you." My breathy whisper played him like a fiddle. Good - I needed him enthralled for this to work. "I'm a very good dancer."

"Then I'm very good hands."

I extended my hand, and he eagerly grabbed it, guiding me to the dance floor. "My name's Alex. And you are?"

"Alexa," I replied with a wink. "But you can call me Lexie."

"Ooh, Lexie. You look like a 'Lexie', because rhymes with 'sexy' - which you definitely are."

I giggled, genuinely amused by the comment. All the while, I wanted so bad to look over and Vivian to see if he noticed, but my inner voices forbade me to do so. No, I needed to act like I didn't give a fuck about Vivian's so-called possessiveness. One look, and he'd see right through my plans. That's the last thing I wanted.

We made our way to the dance floor, and I swear, it was like the sexy dance goods possessed me. I could feel the sexy, throbbing trance beat flowing in my veins. My body moved on its own, invigorated by music and my determination to not be tamed. I never knew I could move like that, completely in sync with the music. I was definitely giving the young man a good show. I don't think he had any clues about my age, either. The happy, sweaty grin on his face told me that he was all too happy about this beautiful woman dancing sensuously against him.

I was so engrossed in the strobe lights and the music that I almost forgot my motives for dancing with this guy in the first place. But an unintentional glance over the bar I left Vivian at reminded me very quickly.

He stared at us through slits of eyes, but his face was otherwise expressionless.

Oh, so he wanted to play "Mr. Cool", hm? That was fine by me. I was having a grand old time, dancing with Alex. He could have his slutty admirers, the whole lot of them.

It was another stand-off. I danced with Alex, looking over to him from time-to-time, and he just sat there at the bar, watching me while this girl and that trollop whispered into his ear. He seemed to be showing me how much he was wanted, and I definitely showed him how I refused to be dominated.

I wasn't going to budge and neither was he. Stand-off.

"Damn, what's with that guy over there mean-mugging us?" Alex asked. Ah, so he noticed too. "He your boyfriend or something?"

I smirked, happy to be given another opportunity to push my limits. I flashed Vivian a quick look before turning wrapping my arms around Alex. Keep your eyes open, Vivian. You're going to love this. "Oh, him? Yeah, he brought he, but as you can tell, he's otherwise occupied."

"Please, those girls have got nothing on you. They may as well be naked with what their wearing. You're better off without him."

My lips curled into a catty grin. "Oh, and why is that?"

"He's obviously a skeeze if he's hanging around those girls. Me, I like my women classy." I didn't see how he could see me as classy, considering my abundant use of double-sided taped. "I don't mean to make you comfortable, but you are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen in a place like this. If you were with me, I wouldn't let another woman try to flirt me. That's just plain disrespectful."

I knew he could have just said that to get my number later, but I was touched by his words nonetheless. "Thank you. That's so sweet..."

He smiled at me, and I just felt so incredibly guilty. Oh my lord...what the hell was I doing? I was playing with another man's feelings just to get a rise from Vivian, that's what. My chest ached, and I was disappointed in myself. He was a slut, right? This was par for the course for him. Imagine me thinking that there was something more to his supposed possessiveness. 

I must really be a glutton for punishment, I thought wistfully.

It's just sex - nothing more. The look on his face - or rather, the lack of emotions - said it all.

I leaned over and kissed his cheek in gratitude. "Thank you for making this cougar feel pretty."

"Wh-what?" He was clearly taken aback by my revelation. "Cougar?"

"Yeah, cougar. Now if you'll excuse me, this cougar needs to head back to her den. I'm sure another one will try to claim you as her cub in due -"

I didn't get a chance to finish the sentence. Vivian grabbed a tight hold of my wrist and proceeded to drag me through the crowds without a word. My reaction was delayed - what the hell is going on? - but once what was going out, I put up a fight.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I tried to wrestle my wrist out of his grip but to no avail. "Let go of me right now, Vivian!"

He ignored me, dragging me further away from the dancing crowds and the thumping music. I cried out when he swung me around, pressing me into a dark corner, hidden away from everything. Even in the shadows, I could see his intense expression.

"Just what do you think you're doing, Lexie?" His tone was dark and threatening and all kinds of sexy. It infuriated and turned me on all at once.

"I thought you said you wanted to bring me here to show me off, Vivian," I began, my voice seething with spite. "But it seems that you're...a little distracted. So, I decided to show myself off."

"I can see that." He looked over to the crowds and back at me. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was angry. "But it ends here."

"What? You can have your fun with your little harem at the bar, but I can't have fun with one, count them, one man?" I rolled my eyes, laughing at the stupidity of it all. "Wow, you've got balls, Vivian, I'll give you that. Now, go let one of your little girlfriends suck on them."

I tried to push him out of my way, but he pushed me back onto the wall. The smirk on his face was enough to push me over the edge.

"You're jealous," he stated, matter-of-fact. "Is that why you danced with that fool? Ah, that's so cute."

Ugh! This man made me so angry at times! He made a fool of me in front of this entire club and he laughed about it. I wanted to slap him so badly, but I refused to make a scene in this club.

I should have known better than to mess with him. At least I learned my mistake sooner rather than later.

"You know what, Vivian? I'm not even mad." I gave him a sly smile of my own. "It's clear to me that you like the attention those women give you, so why don't I just cut you loose? I've had my fun, but all good things must come to an end."

His eyes widened. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm cutting you loose." I steadied my voice, even as my throat burned and my eyes watered. "You've been away from your harem far too long. I won't keep them from you any longer."

"Lexie..." He may have looked hurt, but I was too pissed off to notice.

"I'm done, Vivian." I felt righteous in my anger, even though my heart was breaking. "I'm done."

Slowly, I extended my arm, and with gentle force pushed him aside. Fuck him! If he thought I would just stick around and let him make a fool out of me, he was crazy. I refused to stick around long enough for that. You don't stay aboard a sinking ship, thinking that you can somehow stop the inevitable. You jump.

That's what my ex did - and it worked for him. Now, it was my turn.

"You don't trust me." I didn't know if it was a question or a statement. 

But I knew what my answer was. "Trust is overrated."

With that, there was little else to say. I stood up with my head held high, and made my way out of there, alone, into the brisk midnight hour. I was proud of myself. I didn't allow myself to be the gullible one. I didn't allow him to get the better of me. I stood up for myself, and for that, I could never be ashamed. 

I should have been happy. But instead, I was miserable. I couldn't even make into my apartment. I just slide down beside the door, sobbing. Everything about me was in a state of grief. My heart felt like it was sobbing, too, it hurt so much. That foolish Vivian - he got under my skin. His very essence was a part of me now. He was always in my head, and always in my thoughts. His presence was just as important to me as his lovemaking was. 

It wasn't about the sex anymore. Somewhere, I crossed that line - that line you specifically don't cross in a purely sexual relationship.

Was his dick that miraculous? Ugh, I was such an idiot.

Relationships are overrated, I thought to myself, wiping my tears away. I don't even know why I'm so upset. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I should be glad it happened sooner.

Still...it was nice to feel beautiful and be sexually bold, if only for a little while. Lucky girls indeed.

Click. Click.

I jerked my head up to see Vivian standing a few feet away, calmly tucking his camera back into his bag. I stood up, alert and ready to fight if I needed to.

"Did you want to take one last picture to cap off my humiliation?" I sneered. "Of course you do. Why else would you be here."

He didn't say anything. He just strode over toward in his usual confident, pompous way. Seriously, does nothing phrase this man?

"I thought I told you I was done," I said forcefully. "You just need to leave. Just leave me alone."

He ignored my request - no surprise there. He towered over me, staring at me intently. Panic clawed up my spine. I wanted to kick, scratch, and punch wildly - anything to get him away from me. I couldn't stand him looking at me like that. I could stand my heart pounding, or my body shivering, or anything. I just wanted to get him away. I just wanted to get away.

"Did you hear me?" I cried out, desperate. "I won't let you hurt me - "

He crushed me against him before I could finish. "I'm not him."

My body went soft. "Wh-what?"

He held me even tighter. "Did I stutter? I said I'm not him. I am many, many things, but I am nothing like your ex-husband. So, stop thinking that I am. It's really annoying, and I don't like being compared to dirty, ugly old men."

He loosened his grip a little, but I was still firmly in his arms. He lips grazed my earlobe, and my eyes fluttered. "In any case, I seem to have offended you, and for that, I apologize...and to make it up to you - if you'll let me."

I was incredulous. "You must be joking."

"I wouldn't have paid forty bucks for a cab, if I were."

Now I was really panicky. "But they touched you. You let them touch you and fawn all over you. You looked like you were enjoying it..."

"You danced with that stupid hipster and you even kissed him on the cheek." Ugh, why did he have to be so accurate. "But I knew I had nothing to worry about. Just like you had nothing to worry about."

I shivered as he caressed my cheek. My resolved was pretty much obliterated. I wanted him to. My God, I really wanted him to. But visions on him and his harem still danced in my head. 

"Now, please," he purred in my ear. "Won't you let me make it up to you?"

I frowned. "Jesus, Vivian, there are some things that can't resolved by fucking."

"I know that - who said anything about 'fucking'?" His voice was so soft and so gentle it nearly melted me into a puddle. "I think we both know you that it's the last thing you need right now."

"And what is it that you think I need?"

With a smile, he leaned over and kissed my forehead. I exhaled a breath I didn't even know I had. 

Oh my...

I closed my eyes, leaning into his warmth. I had no fight left in me. I submitted to his will.

He took my hand, and guided me into my apartment without another word. There was no need for them now - they wouldn't have worked. As he guided me into my room and undressed me piece by piece, there were two things I was absolutely certain of.

One - that my feelings for him were much more than sexual ones now.

And two - things just got very, very complicated.


	7. -7-

The train rumbled on through the streets of the Chicago, clackity-clacking toward its final destination. We'd both had late nights due to work, and we were heading back to Vivian's loft for a little release. 

It's was just after midnight, and there's a naughty twinkle in Vivian's eye. I knew it wouldn't be long before I saw it. The train offered him an opportunity to do something daring. It was barren, it was the final car of the train, and the driver was in the first car, oblivious. It was a recipe for a daring encounter, and Vivian was all to eager to prepare the ingredients.

He grabbed my hand and guided me to the seats normally reserved for train conductor. Because he or she was on the opposite end, these particular seats were open. They're prized because their so hidden away from the common areas of the train, so a hobo can hide in one to sleep in peace or a couple of horny teenagers can go make out in peace, way from prying eyes.

But Vivian wanted to take it a step farther. We were barely settled in our seats when he attacked me, running his hands all over my body.

"Vivian!" I cried, trying to push him away. "What do you think you're doing? We're almost to your house."

"I can't wait that long. I want to fuck you right now." A hand found its way underneath my skirt. "We're all alone on this train. No one's coming on. We can get away with it."

"Ah!" He leaned into my, parting my legs while his finger pushed back my panties. All it took was one stroke to get me sopping wet. "But...but we're on a train."

"I know. That's the best part." 

I had to admit. The idea of having sex in a public place was a fantasy of mine. The threat of being caught by just about anybody really turned me on. But still...I didn't know if I could just do let go and enjoy myself. 

"I - I can't." I might have been apprehensive, but my body certainly wasn't. My hips moved in time with his nimble fingers working their magic inside my pussy. "I don't know if I can..."

"Yes, you can. You're a sexy beast, remember? It comes with the territory." If he kept this up, I would come all over his fingers in no time. That was probably the point. "Besides, we're still about a half an hour away from my house. I need something to tie me over until then."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I'm serious. Why would you think I'm not." Disappointment set in quickly when his fingers slipped out. "I'm not one for games, Lexie. Everything I say, I mean. I don't sugar coat anything, you know that. I see no point in lying. It's a bitch move."

It was the truth. For all his cockiness, he was always straight with me. He never lied to me - at least, that's what I believed. Even as I wondered if this was all really happening and when it would all end, there was always a small part of me that respected Vivian honestly, even if it was quite brutal at times. 

"I want you, Lexie." He pressed his lips against mine very gently. I sighed, giving into those sweet, sweet kisses he'd been giving a lot more of lately. "Don't you know what you do to me? You've got me hotter than the sun. I just can't help myself when you're nearby. You're my favorite drug, and I need my fix."

"I'm your favorite drug, and you need a fix?" I couldn't help but laugh. "It might be me saying it, but you've got weird taste if I'm my favorite drug."

"Then, I've just got weird taste." He shrugged, unapologetic. "Oh, well." 

He brushed away a few tendrils of hair away from my face before giving me another soft kiss. I smiled softly, feeling much more relaxed. I stared at him, enraptured by this beautiful man who found favor in me somehow, in some way I didn't understand. My body felt so soft. Argh, how annoying. How the hell did this pretty boy make me feel so damn special, and worst of all, beautiful? He always knew what to say to me (even if he said it in his own way). Not only did it make my heart feel light and happy, it made me horny as hell.

He brought out the best and the worst in me. Be brought out the me that I never knew I could be.

Damn it. Fucking asshole - this fix must be contagious. Now, I had it, too, and I needed my itch scratched.

"Come on, then." My eyes gestured to his trousers, particularly the huge bulge in the center of them. "I better give you your fix, before you go into withdrawal."

He watched as I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. "What are you..." He shuddered as I pleasure him with slowly, tender strokes. "Fuck..."

"What? You can dish out the pleasure, but you can't take it?" I couldn't believe my boldness. Was I really giving him a handjob? I didn't know the first thing about that stuff. But watching him squirm was much more of a turn on than watching him watch me squirm. "You're not so big when I have you in my hands like this. It seems the only thing big about your amazing..." I snickered. "Ego..."

"You...bitch," he groaned in frustration as he moved against my hand, looking for quick relief.

"Ooh, such dirty words coming from a pretty mouth." I was drunk with power, being the one giving (and controlling the pleasure) rather than simply receiving it. It made me even hotter. "Besides, it's 'Sexy Beast', remember? Or do I need to remind you?"

I guided his cock out of the confines of his pants and boxers and into my warm, wanting core. For a while, we just stayed absolutely still, staring at each other. I was soft all over again. I felt like he could see everything about me - nothing was off-limits. This was beyond sexual now. This wasn't just a meeting of the genitalia. At least it wasn't for me.

I might have started this affair with him because he satisfied me sexually. But now I understood why I kept coming back more - why I always wanted more.

I...I was in love with him.

I was in love with a verifiable slut.

Lord, have mercy.

"Fuck, you're tight." I didn't know what I was doing. I'd never been on top before. But as I moved up and down his cock, I left my instincts take over. Jesus, he felt so fucking good. "You're going to make me cum all over your dress. Is that what you want?"

"You've done it before," I hissed. His fingers played with my clit again, and I knew I was just about done. "I can't last like this..."

"Yes, you can. We still have a few more stops." I gasped we he lifted me up, getting me to turn around so that my back was to his front. "I want you to ride me. Fuck, I need you to ride me right now."

He grabbed me by the hips and lowered my pussy onto his cock. The sound of slapping filled the air of the empty train as he fucked me, taking back his rightful place as the giver of all pleasures. My hands gripped both sides of the seat, and I held on for dear life. I panted loudly, when really, I wanted to scream. It felt so good, I could barely contain myself.

"I can't, I can't, I can't..." I was being pounded toward ecstacy, and there was nothing he could do to stop it. "Vivian!"

The loud blast from the train announcer drowned out our cries of completion as we came one after the other. I shuddered against his body and he shuddered against mine, completely happy, completely spent with two stops to go. I sighed, feeling pretty tired.

"Oh no," he whispered against my ear. "I'm not done with you yet. There's still the matter of when we get to my house." He wrapped his arms around me, pressing me into his soft warmth. "Though this time, I think I'll be easier on you. You're wonderful when you're wild, but you're even more beautiful when I'm gentle. Just exquisite. It's when I enjoy you the most."

I grew even softer. "Really?"

"Yes, really." He was really quiet for a bit, before he burst out laughing. "That's hilarious. I tell you all the time I like it rough, but I love taking my time with you. You'd think I was going soft or something?"

"I-Is that a bad thing?"I asked in a very small voice.

He smiled, kissing me on the cheek. Oh my... "Not bad - never bad. Just...different. And different is always a good thing, right?"

Before I could answer him, the train announcer warned us that our stop was coming up next. Damn it.

"Let's hurry up and get out of here so I can get naked." We got up from the seats and adjusted our clothes. Thankfully, no traces of our tryst could be found on our clothing. "And maybe, I'll let you pleasure me again."

The trains doors flew open and he took my hand. We must have arrived in his house in record time. Before I knew it, we were in his loft, stripping off all of our clothes, making our way to his bedroom, mouths locked along the way.

All the while, he kept saying the same thing. "Lexie..don't you know what you do to me?"

I knew what he did to me. I knew what he made me feel. I knew how I felt about him.

But even as he moved against me ever so gently, looking at me with eyes that could be seen as loving, I still didn't know for sure if what I felt was real or if this was all apart of a predestined fall.

I knew how I felt about him.

What I didn't know is he felt about me.

And it was driving me insane.

\------

What was I going to do?

I stood by the window in his bedroom, looking out into the night sky. His shirt was draped over my body - somehow, it fits perfectly. The scent of his cologne drifted into my nostrils. He's asleep in the bed, a content smile on his face. But I couldn't sleep. My insecurities wouldn't leave me alone.

What was I going to do? I don't know how he feels about me. This wasn't supposed to happen. 

What was I going to do?

I crossed a line I shouldn't have, and now I didn't know how to handle it.

"Wait, don't move."

The series of the click echoed in my ears. I turned to see him sitting up, placing his camera on the nightstand.

Oh yeah. That.

The pictures - I didn't know what he was using them for. For all I knew, they were on some illicit sex site used for unsavory purposes. I wanted so much to ask him what they were used for, but I never had the courage to.

This was too much. It was all too much.

"I thought you were sleeping," I whispered. "Or is the photography switch always on?"

"When you see a good shot, you take it. It's photography rule number one. You look really nice in my shirt by the way." I felt him staring at me. I keep my back turn, in hopes that he wouldn't see my anguish. "Hey...are you okay over there?"

No. I was not okay. Absolutely not okay. I was a mess.

"I'm fine." I gave him the cheeriest smile I could muster. "Don't worry."

I was going to hell - and fast.


	8. -8-

It was like the shit hit the fan all at once. My workload increased ten-fold due to several marketing campaigns my employer was signed on for, so that didn't leave much in the way of free time. Vivian's workload increased as well. He was in the final stretch of his photography degree and had to focus his energy of his final exhibition, and both he and Elena were contracted for a fashion shoot with a local company. As a result, we didn't see much for each other for a long while. 

I welcomed the space at first. After coming to realize how intense my feelings were for Vivian, I was a wreck. I didn't know what to do anymore. I didn't feel like I could tell him my feelings - I still didn't know how he felt. Sure, we weren't fucking like rabbits anymore, but he never gave me any indication that our relationship meant more than just sex to him. I mean, that was our primary mode of communication - sex. Every thrust relayed at the very least, a lustful attract to me, and every moan that escaped my lips sang a song of admiration for him.

I never felt like he clued in on that. Why should he? I felt like I was his fuck buddy - someone he could get himself off with who he took pictures of from time-to-time. It didn't matter that he prided himself on his brutal honesty, and the sex had evolved from just furious fucking to a mix of both the naughty and the very nice. It didn't that whenever we slept, his arms was wrapped tightly around my waist. It didn't matter than more and more, the arrogance wasn't so overwhelming, and there were moments of tenderness and sweetness along the way. He never once indicated and he never told me outright that he had feelings for me beyond lust.

So, I kept my feelings bottled up inside. I couldn't tell him how I felt - I couldn't. I was already afraid of the day where he'd wake up and realize there were more beautiful women out there and move on to his next seduction. I'd already been through rejection - and it nearly killed me. And while my chances of surviving were high, I still didn't want to take the risk.

Yes, the space was nice. I could finally breathe again.

But then, as the hours turned to days, then weeks, then one month, just like before I started to miss him. Only this time, I really missed him. And it wasn't in a lustful way, the way that would wake up in the throes of an orgasm or or made me eye the ladies' bathroom looking for an opportunity to sneak in. 

No. I missed him. I missed being near to him.

There were times when I was asleep where I swear, I could feel his body close to mine. Then, I'd open my eyes, and the warmth for dissipate quickly, and I'd realize that I was all alone. The chilliness that came afterward was bitter, almost unbearable. Sometimes, I'd just sit in my bedroom, in the center of my bed, thinking about all times we rolled around in it, messing up the sheets, laughing like children, fucking like rabbits.

Even worse, I began to miss the sound of his camera clicking whenever he caught me in a moment of bliss. There were times in the middle of the night where I thought I heard it, only to discover that I was hallucinating.

What a change. One minute, I'm enjoying being alone, and the next minute I'm moping over him like I'm a teenager again, crying to "Foolish Beat".

I couldn't go on this way, of course. I knew I had to do something - but what? What could I do? Tell him what I was feeling? Confess that I was falling for him? Tell him about my feelings when all we had was really good sex? 

No. I wouldn't do it. And if that classified me as a "chicken shit", then I'm a chicken shit. Where the hell are my feathers?

But I knew something would have to give. I knew I needed more than this. I just had no idea of how to get it.

Seriously, just what the hell was I supposed to do now?

\------

"Are you sure this is okay, Elena? If you're in the middle of a shoot here, I don't want to get in your way."

I wanted her to say no. I wanted her to send me away. Elena called me up that morning, asking if I could join her for lunch. She was really knee deep in her fashion shoot and needed a break. So of course, she called me up to bail her out.

I didn't want to go. I knew that Vivian would be there, and as much as I missed him, I wasn't ready to face him yet. I tried to respectful decline, but Elena wouldn't have any of it.

"You have got to come over here and help me out, Lexie!" she demanded. "I'm so sick of this photo shoot! There are people everywhere. Why the hell do you need a stylist for a lingerie shoot? It's a lingerie shoot! Geez! I didn't even want to do it, but the client wanted Vivian specifically, and I'm here for back-up and consulting. Otherwise, I wouldn't be caught dead doing a shoot like this. Scantily-clad women do absolutely nothing for me."

"Ah..." A mushroom cloud of jealous threatened to burst inside me. I struggled to suppress, though I could just imagine the smile on his face. "I don't know if I'm comfortable being in the same room as Vivian, Elena. I cancelled the lessons, remember, and I told you that I never wanted to see him again."

"Oh, relax, Lexie. He'll be too busy snapping pics of scantily models to notice you. I bet he's making plans on how to divide and conquer them." She had no idea that her words were like razor cuts to my heart. "Oh yeah, he's acting like it doesn't affect him, but no man, not even a himbo, could ever resist the affections of a scantily clad woman, let alone a model."

"No, I guess not." Now, I really felt like crap! I couldn't go there. If the incident at the club was an indication, I wouldn't be able to hide my jealous. And if Elena caught wind of what was going on - oh lord, I didn't want to think about it. Still, the thought of Vivian being tempted by beautiful models didn't sit well with me, either. "I'm sorry, I just don't think I can..."

"You can, and you will, and that's that!" she declared. "I'm going to hang up now and order food from that Thai restaurant you like so much. Don't bother calling back to convince me - I know you can't resist pad thai and spring roles."

Before I could get another word in, she hung up. I sighed heavily, and I slid down to the floor, feeling heavy and weary. I was on the hook now. If I didn't go, she'd have my ass. She's a notorious penny-pincher, Elena is. She must have been really serious about needing me there if she was buying me lunch. Normally, we go dutch.

So, that was that. I had to go and visit Elena and I had to keep my cool while watching Vivian do his best impression of Hugh Hefner.

This wasn't going to end well. 

The trip to Elena's studio went by in a blur. My mind completely blocked it out. I don't remember dragging myself into the showering, throwing on my clothes, and heading out of my apartment onto the Brown Line L-train at Southport toward the Loop. It was only after I entered the studio and Elena's eyes went absolutely bugged that I was able to remember.

"Damn girl, look at you! What are you doing, going on a hot date after this?"

"What?" A shot her a puzzled look before looking down at my outfit - a a short-sleeve black crepe mini dress with cutout booties and a black diagonal coat. "Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Are you kidding? You look hot as fuck, Lexie. Usually, you're always in your granny dresses and whatnot, but this - I've never seen you like this." Her eyes were luminous with mischief. Oh, man - that's never a good combination. "You must have a hot date today. That's why you didn't want to come, isn't it?" Wink, wink. Nudge, nudge. "Huh? Huh?"

"Elena, it's not even like that." Okay, maybe in hindsight I was hoping to dress a little sexy to counteract the throngs of sexiness I would see here in the studio. But I wasn't going to tell her that - and I wasn't completely comfortable with my fashion choice either. "I - I just wanted to do something a little different. Is that so bad?"

"Different, huh?" She raised an eyebrow, still suspicious. "Ah, now I get it. I see it now, I understand." Her eyes narrowed. "You've been getting laid, haven't you?"

My face remained calm, but I was freaking out on the inside. "What? You don't know what you're talking about."

"I know exactly what I'm talking about! You've been fucking someone, haven't you? You go from dressing like a granny to a minx, and you think I wouldn't notice? Girl, please! Now, I want details. DETAILS!"

Stay calm...don't let her see you sweat. "What details? I have no details for you. I'm not seeing anybody. You're reading too much into this."

"Is that why you cancelled your lessons with Vivian?" Damn it, why the hell did you need to bring him up? "Ooh, I bet he got jealous knowing that you were having lessons with such a fine piece of ass. I can't say I blame him."

"Ladies." The sound of his voice nearly unraveled my calm facade. I turned around to see Vivian standing behind us, that damn smirk on his face. "Surely, I'm not that threatening a person."

"Of course you are, Vivian! You're sex on a stick, don't you know that?" She was clearly teasing him, but it struck a nerve anyway. "That's why your models are giving you so many good shots. They are enamored with you."

"If you say so." He looked over to me and smile. "Hello, Lexie. It's been a while."

"Y-Yes, it has been." Too long - and we both knew that. Lucky for us, Elena couldn't sense that. "I hope there's no hard feelings."

"Why would there be? You made a choice, and I had to respect that." Every word he spoke carried a double meaning. My photography lessons may have ended, but he was certainly teaching me many, many things. "I will say that I've missed seeing you around here. You have a pretty way about you, you know that right?"

My smile widened his words sunk into my head. Did you just say that you missed me? I knew I missed him, but I wasn't sure if he missed me. Even worse, I wasn't sure if he spoke the truth of if he was just being his flirtatious self.

Still, my heart soared.

"Oi, Vivian, do you ever turn off the charm?" Elena laughter pierced through my thoughts. She's still in the dark about things. "This isn't some model here, Hot Stuff, this is my friend, remember? If her boyfriend finds out you've been talking to her like, he'll come over and punch that pretty face of yours."

"Boyfriend?" he asked, flatly. Flatly? "Is that a fact?"

"No, no, not at all!" I stuttered, trying to play it all off. "She thinks that just because I've dressed nicely for once that I'm trying to impress a guy, when really I'm just trying to look nice." 

"Bullshit, you've got a boyfriend and we both know it. Isn't that right, Vivian?" My heart skipped several beats at the mention of his name. This wasn't going well at all. "You know Lexie, she's always dressing frumpy, and now, she's dressing like a fox. It has to be a guy she really likes. You can see that, can't you?"

My breath hitched, and the world faded all around me. All that remained was his eyes and my heartbeat. With every passing moment he remained silent, my heart sank deeper and deeper. It didn't it feel like he was looking at me - more like right through me. 

That's right - of course I'm all alone in how I feel. And he just gave me the reminder.

"I think a woman can dress up nice for either herself or for a guy she finds favor with," he began finally. "I couldn't tell you either way, Elena."

Wow, way to take the easy way out, you bastard! I thought, dejected.

"Ugh, you're no fun!" Elena waved him away, annoyed that he didn't take her side. "You're a fashion photographer, of course you'd say that." 

"If you say so." I felt like I was going to be sick. "In any case, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask for Elena's help as the next model is ready for her shoot."

"What? Already?" Elena pointed to the bags of takeout on a nearby table. "Lexie and I were about to have lunch here. I can't take seeing anymore scantily-clad women on an empty stomach."

"You can still eat. I just need your advice on a few things." He looked over to me and I wanted to spit at him. "And of course, I'd never ever consider sending away the best friend of the studio owner."

"Damn straight, you won't! I'd tell your ass to find another studio to shoot in if you tried!" Elena sighed, reached for my shoulder. Just give me a few minutes, and then we'll start eating, okay?"

I watched as she scurried off with Vivian, probably to do a few last minute lighting checks as well as discussing the shoot concept one last time before commencing with the shoot. Meanwhile, I was plotting my escape. I didn't want to be here at all, and I wish I hadn't allowed Elena to strong-arm me into doing so. 

I knew he said precisely what he should have said in front of Elena. She didn't need to know about this. But there was something about those words that filled me with a heavy sadness.

I accused Elena of reading too much into things, but maybe I'm guilty of doing the same thing.

\------

Just when I thought I couldn't feel any crappier, the model shimmied on in - this blonde bombshell that was this smallest little thing. She was definitely cut from the same cloth as those Victoria's Secret models - God definitely spent some time on that woman. She knew she was desirable. She walked into the shoot like she knew everyone wanted to fuck her and she was quite pleased with herself. 

Kind of like Vivian - only in female form.

Speaking of Vivian - she was quite enamored with him. She didn't even bother to hide her desire. She had eyes for him the entire shoot. Her poses were a little sexier, she took his directions a bit too eager, and she relished every opportunity she had to be touched by him.

"You're certainly know what you're doing," she purred. Vivian didn't say or do anything to her - the same as the vixens at the club - but that didn't do anything to ease the tension. "Are you sure you just a student? Because you certain look like you have experience."

Ugh.

I couldn't eat my lunch at all. The sight of quite possibly the world's most beautiful woman flirting with Vivian robbed me of an appetite.

"What a shameless woman," Elena whispered in between shots. "She thinks she's so hot because youth and gravity on her side. Just wait til she hits our age. Physics is a real pain the ass."

"Speak for yourself," I huffed. "I'd like to think that I still have gravity on my side."

"Well, of course you do. With all that money you pay for bras, gravity better be on your side!" She was right, but she didn't need to be so forward about it! "Haven't you eaten anything yet? I didn't buy this food for you to just look at it."

"Sorry," I mumbled, reaching for a spring roll. "I, um, I guess I got caught up in the shoot - more importantly, the flirtation going on."

"What? Oh, that shameless hussy? Yeah, I know, isn't that messed up? I'm surprised she hasn't put her ass up in front of him with the way she's going. It's tragic."

"Maybe for us, but Vivian seems to be enjoying it." Vivian was taking to her now, probably giving her more direction. She hung onto his ever word, twisting a lock of her golden tresses while giggling every now and again. Classic flirting behavior. "You said it yourself - " my voice dropped, " - he's very promiscuous."

"Yeah, but there's a different between 'promiscuous' and 'desperate', and Vivian is anything but the latter." 

I snapped my head toward her. "What?"

"You heard me, darlin'. Vivian isn't desperate in the least. Sure, he's well-versed in the pleasures of the bedroom, but that's by his own volition, not the other way around. Now, I don't go around demanding him to tell me in great detail about his encounters, but in his way, he's made it clear that it is he that initiates them." She burst into laughter. "I've been trying to convince him to initiate one with me, but to no avail. That's just how he is. He won't do it unless he's really interested in the person - the attraction has to be mutual."

I couldn't breathe. "Is-is that so?"

"I'm afraid it is." She became pensive for a moment. "It's been weird, though. Vivian hasn't be coming in with that womanizing grin on his face lately. Ah, then again, it's probably because he's been so busy with everything lately. He hasn't gotten much rest that one."

I could hear what she was saying, but I didn't want to believe it. "Maybe he's just keeping his activities from you."

"Vivian, not kissing-and-telling? Yeah, right. Like I said just because he doesn't give me details, you know how arrogant he is. He just loves to come in with that 'I got laid because I'm sexy as fuck' smirk on his face. It was getting to be such a regular thing that I couldn't stand it. But I haven't seen it in a while." She snickered. "I guess even beautiful man have their moments of drought."

Elena laughed even harder, clearly amused by thoughts. I looked over to Vivian, still keeping things professional even if the model wished that he wouldn't. I remembered the few lesson we had together, and how flustered I got because he never kept it professional. I shivered at the memory of our first meeting, and how intimate it felt when he said my name. He might have kept it professional in the beginning, but eventually, he crossed that line, standing a little too close or allowing our bodies to touch, if only for a moment.

I'm sorry...did I overstep my bounds?

He wasn't doing that at all with the model. He didn't do that with women in the club either. Sure, he may be smiling at the attention (he's a man after all), but he never acted on it.

Still...I didn't know what to think anymore.

"Elena," I began quietly, "are you sure that Vivian is as promiscuous as you make him out to be?"

"What?" She wrinked her nose. 

"Look, I don't know the guy..." I'm such a horrible liar. "...but if he isn't really telling you about all his supposed conquests, then how do you know for sure if he's a verifiable slut?"

"Are you for real?" Elena laughed so hard, she held her belly. "A guy as gorgeous as that isn't meant to be with one woman! He's too beautiful, and he enjoys the chase way too much. You're right, he doesn't say much, but he doesn't have to. He's just pure sex waiting to happen. A guy like that isn't meant for one woman."

"How do you know that? Maybe he just hasn't met the right woman..." I stole another glance at him snapping a few more photos. "A woman that can cater to his every need."

"Oh, Lexie. Always so romantic and idealistic." She pat my shoulder sympathetically. "What would you do without me?"

I watched as Elena walked over to Vivian, striking up a chat. My mind and my heart raced. I felt weary, like the world was on my shoulders, as Elena's words danced in my head.

A guy like that isn't meant for one woman.

But he wanted me - he said that much from the start. And it's not like we'd had sex a few times - we've been at each other for weeks now. And it was just one fuck after another. He'd been kind to me, had taken his time with me. Surely, there had to be something more to it other than good sex. 

There was more to this, right? It had to be right...?

But really, I just didn't know.

\------

The shoot wrapped up just after five. The clients were happy, the models were happy, and Elena was ready for it all to be over with. 

The beautiful blonde wanted to celebrate the shoot by going out to dinner, but Elena wasn't interested, and Vivian wanted to start the editing process right away. She respected their decision, but she didn't look too happy about it. She looked like she wanted to wine and dine him before jumping his bones - or at least slip him a mickey so it made it easier to jump his bones.

"You will call me, won't you?" She slipped him a pink post-it note with number scribbled inside. "My head shots are in need of an update, and I bet you know all the right angles. I get excited just thinking about it."

Her subtlety - or lack thereof - isn't lost on Vivian or anyone else. "I'm glad your confident of my...abilities."

"You could say that." She gave him a wink before departing. "See ya around."

She swish and sashayed out of the studio, quite pleased with herself. Elena, on the other hand, was not pleased at all.

"Shameful!" she hissed. "She thinks she's so hot, but I saw some of her shots, and let me tell you, Vivian, you've got your work cut out for you. Just - yuck!"

"I beg to differ," he replied with a chortle. "She's quite the beauty, and I'm sure the client will feature her prominently."

"Whatever." Elena waved her hand. "Pack up your stuff and give me back my loft. Your shoot is done, and I don't want to see your face til Tuesday, you understand?"

"Yes, Elena, I understand. Thank you again for your help."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." She turned to me. "You can stick around here for a bit if you want to, Lexie. You can even buy me dinner."

"Ah, as tempting as that sounds, I think I'll have to give you a rain check for that." I sighed, exhausted. "I just want to go home and rest now. I'm feeling a little tired."

"Aww, you're not fun!" A gave her a weak smile as she wrapped me into a hug. "Well, call me tomorrow if you want to hang out. After tomorrow, I've got a busy week, so you won't be able to get a hold of me."

"I'll keep that in mind. Bye, Elena." I gave Vivian a quick glance. "Goodbye, Vivian. Congrats again on your shoot."

I left him before he had a chance to say anything. I just wanted to be left alone. I went from secretly looking forward to seeing him again to wishing that I'd never see him again, all in the course of five hours. Even though I learned things that for any normal, self-respecting woman would have equated to an ego boost, for me, it was just another reason to keep my heart in check, and another reason to believe that this tryst couldn't end well for me.

I was so deep into my thoughts that I didn't hear my cell phone ringing. I fished it out of my purse and didn't even bother to check the caller ID. 

In hindsight, I wish I had.

"Hello?" I answered, weary.

"You left without saying goodbye." ...it's him. Now, I wished I'd checked my caller ID. "How rude."

Says the rude playing with models. "I was tired, and you were busy. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go home and rest."

"Is that anyway to talk to someone you haven't seen in a while?" he teased. Unfortunately for him, I was in the mood for teasing. "You must be in a bad mood."

"Gee, ya think?" I didn't bother to hide my displeasure. "I just had to go through five hours of watching a woman more prettier than I am prance around in her skivvies while flirting shamelessly with the photographer. Not exactly the way I'd hope to spend my Saturday."

"No, I'd think not. Unless there's something you're not telling me..."

"No. Just, no." My finger hovered near the end call button. "Listen, Vivian, I'm not in the mood for the playfulness. I'm really, really tired, and I just want to be alone for a while."

"But I haven't seen you in so long, Lexie." There was something about the way he said it that eased away some of the tension. "I thought I could handle it, but...the moment I saw you with Elena, well, I found it very hard to contain myself. You may not believe me, but the whole time, I just wanted to take you into a dark corner and ravish you."

"You're right - I don't believe that." Oh, but I wanted to. I really wanted to. "You've got that gorgeous blonde throwing herself at you and you're thinking about me? You must be crazy."

"Then I guess I'm crazy." Damn it, I won't feel soft with him! I won't. "Why do you find it so hard to believe that I go crazy because of you?"

"I..." I knew how to answer that. I knew why I couldn't believe him. I was afraid. I'd never been with a man who was so passionate and honest with me. I'd never experienced this kind of thrill before. And because of this, I didn't know how to handle it. I was so used to being used, being hurt, and I couldn't conceive that maybe Vivian was really different, that maybe, just maybe, he didn't want to hurt me. But I was too proud to admit my fears to him. This time, I planned to get the jump on before could. "Because it always seems to be sex with you, Vivian."

"Oh - that." He chuckled again. "Is that such a bad thing - to be with someone so passionate about you that they must fuck you every time they lay eyes on you?"

Shit! Why does he always have to say the right things? "Yes...no...damn it, Vivian! Have you ever considered that maybe, just maybe I want more than just than really awesome, mind-blowing sex?"

I could feel him grinning over the phone. "Ah, so you agree that the sex is awesome and mind-blowing. I'm glad we're on the same page."

I need to get off this phone and now. "Oh my God, are you even listening to me?"

"I hear you quite well." His serious tone startled me. "And to answer your question, no, I haven't." I recoiled, stung by his honesty. "Is there any reason why I should?"

I felt like I wanted to vomit again. "No. I guess not." I needed to get off this phone. I wouldn't allow him to hear me cry. "You're right - why should you?" 

He didn't answer. He didn't have to. "Lexie -"

I sighed heavily. "Right. I'm - I'm going to go now because I'm really tired and I really need some time to myself. Have fun editing."

I ended the call, and turned off my phone for good measure. I just wanted to get home and cry and watch bad TV shows and eat a bon-bon or ten. 

I just wanted to be alone.

\------

I arrived home just before the rains started. And they were merciless, pour on every hapless human being who was dumb enough not to heed the warnings of lightning and thunder. Meanwhile, I was dry and warm in the comfort of my apartment, dressed in my favorite black-and-white striped lounge dress I'm especially fond of.

There's something about watching people scramble to get out of a downpour that cheers you right up.

But only for moment. For all I knew, those people were probably running to their devoted partners waiting at home, partners that will hug them and kiss them and stripped their wet clothes off their moist bodies. They were way better off than I was, sprawled out on my bed, watching some show about some real housewives that live somewhere outside of Chicago.

I wondered if I was being a brat. I missed him still - and I didn't give him a chance to explain himself.

And it's not like I ever told him that I wanted more than awesome, mind-blowing sex. Probably because the sex was just that awesome and that mind-blowing.

Ugh...I'm such a hot mess. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

I was in love with him, but I had no idea how to just enjoy that feeling. All I knew how to be was defensive.

Maybe I should just end it all, so he doesn't have to deal with my crazy, over-emotional behind anymore.

Knock, knock. At first I thought it was the TV, but then I realized that someone was actually knocking on my door. I glanced over to my bedside clock - 10:13pm.

Who the hell is coming to visit me this late?

I walked over to the door, ready to send whoever it was away. "Who's there?"

"It's me, Lexie." 

The voice was muffled but I knew it well. Every hair on my neck stood on end. I wasn't expecting anyone, least of all him? 

"Vivian? What are you doing here?"

"If you let me in, you'll find out," he replied.

"I thought I told you I wanted to be alone." My edge came back. "I told you I was tired and..."

"I know what you said. But I didn't like the way you sounded earlier, and with then you went and turned off your phone, which made me more worried. So, I came here to see you."

I felt myself soften toward him. "You were worried about me?"

"I'm an cocky bastard, but I'm not an asshole. Of course, I was worried about you. Now please, could you let me in? I'm freezing out here."

"Freezing?" Oh no...he couldn't have. "You didn't come out in the rain, did you?"

I fumbled with the lock before throwing the door open. There stood Vivian, dressed in all black, completely drenched. A puddled formed all around him from all the droplets of water falling for his hair, his face, and his fingertips.

"Oh my!" I breathed, covering my mouth. "You got bombed."

"Don't laugh." I giggled anyway. "I hope you're happy. I came all the way from my house, braving the pouring rain just to see if you were all right. Not something I normally do."

"You didn't have to come," I pointed out. "I didn't ask you to."

"Yes you did - but not in those exact words."

"I thought my exact words were 'I really need some time to myself'." I wilted under the heat of his gaze. "Have you come here hoping I'd be in the mood. Because if you did, you needn't bother."

"I'm not here for that." I softened even more. "I'm here for you. Rather, I'm here to hang out with you."

I couldn't stifle the snicker in time. "You came to hang out with me?"

"Yes. Is that so hard to believe?" I shifted from one side to the other, fully expecting a "psyche" or a "fooled you" or some other indication that this was a tasteless joke. Instead, I noticed the plastic bag he carried in his hand, and the familiar, delicious aroma of cheese, beef, and bacon. "Well?"

"Well...it's just that whenever we meet, we..." My cheeks tingled. "...well, you know."

"Oh yes - I know very well." Jesus. "But tonight is different." He held up the plastic bag. "But tonight, I'm afraid you'll have to get your pleasures from this burger, rather than from me. Though if it's so good that makes you cum, I can't guarantee I won't watch."

"What?" I was so caught off-guard by his words that I just couldn't help but laugh. "You really are crazy."

"Maybe so, but I can also make you laugh." He looked very proud of himself. "Been a while since I've seen that smile of yours. You should do it more often." He shook the bag a few more times. "Come on. Let me in before these burgers get cold."

I was still hesitant. "And you promise you won't do anything?"

He crossed his heart. "Scout's honor."

"That doesn't count if you were never a Boy Scout." I sighed, the last of my guard coming down. I knew I there was a chance I'd regret this. And I knew there was a chance that he would make a pass at me behind closed doors. But I did miss him. And those burgers smelled so good... "I can't believe I'm doing this, but...come on."

His face lit up. "Really?"

I nodded my head. "Really. Come on in."


	9. -9-

Vivian and I stepped into the darkness of my apartment, the light from the television screen the only source of light. I could hear the droplets falling from his hair and clothes as he closed the door. Normally, I can't stand that kind of stuff - it just means there will be big puddles of water to mop up later. But I could let it go this time. He was here - he'd come to see me. The puddles could wait.

"Lexie." There was something about the way he said my name that made me hold my breath. "I can't come in your house like this."

My eyes narrowed toward him. "Like what?"

His gestured to his drenched, dripping body before looking back at me. "I'm drenched, Lexie."

"I can see that." Realization hits me so hard, I stumble backward. "Wait, are you saying that you want out of those clothes?"

He nodded. "Unless you have something here I can dress in."

I shook my head furiously. "No, I don't have anything here for you to wear." I puffed up my cheeks without even realizing. "You promised you trying anything, Vivian!"

"And I'm keeping that promise," he replied, remaining calm. "I won't try anything with you, but I can't have myself catching a cold either, since a shoot to edit and my senior exhibition in a week.

"What's the matter?" I turned my head away so he wouldn't see the shyness on my face. "Are you afraid of what will happen if I take my clothes off? Will you be embarrassed?"

"N-No, of course not!" I said in a huff. "I've seen you naked before."

"Yes, you have. And when you do, you usually can't keep your hands off me." I shot him an infuriated look - but I knew how busted I was. "But you made me promise not to try anything with you, and I promised you I would. After all, there is more to life than just sex, right?"

"R-Right." He turned me words against me, that sneak. I was surprised - but it made me feel happy, too. "Okay, okay, take them off. If you want to dry them, I have a dryer in the closet over there." I threw him a serious look. "And remember - you promised you wouldn't do anything!"

He smiled a knowing smile. "Somehow, I don't think I'm the one you need to worry about." Once again - busted. "Now, eat up. I know you're still hungry from earlier."

He placed the bag down on a nearby console table. "I'll be borrowing a towel as well, if you don't mind."

I waved him off. "Can't talk - going to eat."

I heard him laugh as I disappeared into my room, really hungry for a burger. Plus, eating would help me calm my nerves, since Vivian was in the other room, stripping off all his clothes.

I blinked. Maybe Vivian was right - maybe he wasn't the one I needed to worry about.

I pulled out the burger, ready to sink my teeth in it. It looked like he got it from the "Five Guys" not too far away from my house. They made burger so good, they should have been against the law. That's why I didn't eat them very often because they were damn good and you were pretty much guaranteed to gain, like, a thousand calories from one burger.

But since Vivian was the one who bought this for me, I wasn't too interested in counting calories. And if I gained a few curves from this meaty masterpiece, then Vivian would just have to deal with it.

My body was overcome with euphoric bliss as I took my first bite of that sinful burger. Jesus - how the hell can they make burgers so good? They must be working with the devil to have such talent. The meat was so tender and moist, the bacon perfectly fried, and the cheese oh-so warm and gooey. I had not time to be dainty about eating this burger. Juices may have been running down chin, but I didn't give a crap. This was a damn good burger!

"So good," I managed as I devoured the last little bit of burger.

"Better than me?" I stood upright at the sound of Vivian's voice coming into my bedroom. "If you say 'yes', you'll break my heart."

I willed myself not to turn around. I could hear the faint strains of my dryer in the background, so I knew that at best he was in just his skivvies and at worst completely nude. I tried to remind myself of his promise not to try anything with me, but with every step he took, I could feel the excitement swirling in my stomach gaining more and more momentum.

"I don't think you can compare the two," I sniffed. "One involves eating food and the other involves...well, definitely not eating food."

"But I eat you out all the time." I was so busy crying out in embarrassment that I didn't feel the bed dip downward when he entered my bed. When I felt his hot breath fan against my ear, I thought I'd faint. "And let me tell you, I eat more of you than I do burgers. You taste much, much better."

Good God, why does he have to be so fucking sexy? "I thought you said you weren't going to try anything."

"And I won't. But..." I froze as he wrapped his arms around my waist. "...but you didn't ask me not to tease you. And you know much much I enjoy doing that to you."

I swallowed hard. "Vivian, what are you doing?"

"Umm, you're so dry and warm. Just the thing I need right now. Being out in the rain made me so cold. But I knew if could warm right up if I curled up next to you." Jesus, this is not going to end up well, is it? "You were always so soft and warm."

My eyes fluttered as I was overcome with the euphoric high that came with being so close to Vivian. If this kept up... "I don't know if I'm comfortable with you this close to me."

"What?" I could see him grinning out of the corner of my eye. "Don't you like it when I'm this close to you?" Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes! "Don't you trust me?"

No. "I...I try to."

"You try to?"

"Ah...I...I do." I knew he wasn't convinced, but he didn't mention that. How could he be - I wasn't convinced either. "It's just that...well, you're as handsome as the devil, and beautiful women can't seem to keep their hands off you."

"Oh...that." He sounded very amused. "I've never noticed that."

"Are you for real? Were we at the same photo shoot today?" I stood up from my bed, breaking out of his hold on me. I never realized that he was so firm. "That one model was all over you today. She didn't hide her desire at all." I, on the other hand, could do nothing to contain my bitterness. "It didn't help that she looked amazing in that get-up of hers."

"If you say so. I didn't really notice."

"You didn't notice?" I stopped myself from bursting out laughing. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I'm not." His time was quite serious. "From a photographer's standpoint, yeah, she was beautiful, and she's going to make that company a lot of money. She's very easy to photograph, but I wouldn't know beyond that."

"How the hell do you not know -" I turned around without even realizing it. Blood and heat rushed to my face when Vivian came into view, in his damp, sultry glory. Wavy hair, golden skin, hard abs, and a pair of black boxers - he was the epitome of fuckable sexiness right there in the center of my bed. I could quickly spun back around, aroused and ashamed of myself. "Oh my God! You really are half-naked."

"I told you I needed to dry my clothes," he reminded. I could feel him watching me, and I bet his lips were cocked up in that smirk. "Why are you so embarrassed? Don't you like looking at my body?"

I shifted from side-to-side, reminded of the feeling of getting caught with your hands in the cookie jar. "Well..."

"You're not ashamed to look at it, are you?" he voice got lower.

I really am the one I need to worry about. "No, I'm not."

"Then why won't you turn around and look at me?" It was clearly an invitation. "I know you won't touch me and I don't bite, but you could at least look at me."

"Don't try to change the subject!" I would do anything to keep myself from turning around. I couldn't handle his teasing, or the heat building up inside me. "I just don't understand how you can say that those women have no affect on you."

"I say it very easily, Lexie. That model did nothing for me...just as the women in the club did nothing for me either. I'm a photographer, and that very fact makes it very easy to appreciate beauty in all it's forms. But that's all I do - well, in most cases anyway."

I jumped on his insinuation. "Most cases?"

"Yes, most. I'm looking at the exception right now." Bashful the Dwarf has nothing on me right now. "I think it's safe to say that when it comes to beauty, I always want to show my appreciation for it."

I sighed. I wanted so badly to mount him right now. Wait, what am I saying? "So, it really is always sex with you."

He didn't respond with words and I felt my heart sink once again. But before the sadness set it, his arms were wrapped around me once again even tighter than before.

"What the hell...ah!" He lifted me off the ground without much effort. "Let me go!"

"In a minute. I want to show you something." I struggled against his tight grip as he carried me with ease. "Keep your eyes open - I want you to see this."

"Where are taking me? Vivian!" I wiggled and wriggled without much success until he finally set me down across the room, right in front of a full-length mirror. "Why did you bring me in front of a mirror?"

"Because I want you to look at yourself." And then, he leaned over and whispered, "I want you to see what I see when I look at you."

I couldn't keep my eyes on the mirror for more than a moment. I don't really look at myself in the mirror - maybe a few glances for touch-ups and lip stain application before I got to work in the morning. But I never really took the time to just stare myself in the mirror. I never understood why that was, but as I turned my head away, I began to figure it out.

"Don't turn your head away, Lexie," he commanded. "Look." When I didn't listen, he gently cupped my chin, turning my head so that I faced the mirror. "What's the matter? Don't you like what you see?"

My eyes might have been on the mirror, but I couldn't - and wouldn't - look at myself. "What kind of a question is that?"

"A simple one that requires either a 'yes' or a 'no'." I kept silent. "You aren't going to tell me? That's a shame. I thought you might have given me an enthusiastic 'yes'. You certainly looking as though you were proud of yourself, wearing that sultry little mini dress to the shoot and all." 

"It was just a dress I had in my closet. It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"If by bad you mean 'amazing', then yes. It was very bad," he purred. "It took quite a bit to keep my concentration with you looking like that. I bet you did that on purpose."

"Don't be ridiculous, Vivian. I just wanted to look nice, and since Elena is always accusing me of dressing like a grandmother."

"Mission accomplished. You look looked every bit of the sexy little minx that you are, baby." He slipped off my scrunchie, allowing hair to spill freely onto my shoulders. "If that dress of yours a photographer too? Because it caught you at all the right angles."

I couldn't help but laugh at his words. "Is that some sort of pick-up line all photographers use?"

"Just me - for just you." He ran his fingers through my hair. "I love it when your hair is down. It's feel so nice on my fingers. Whatever you are doing...keep doing it. You keep it so silky and smooth that it almost looks like it's sparkling when it's kissed by sunlight. Definitely worthy of a photo.

"And your hips." His hands slide down the sides of my body, and it took more of an effort to keep breathing. "I thought you only hugged curves like these on Lake Shore Drive, but no, you've proven me wrong. Your breasts and your hips make for a dangerous combination, Lexie. That dress you wore made that painfully obvious. Thank goodness my pants weren't too tight."

"What? Are you serious?"

He sighed. "I am always serious. You should know this by now. You're always asking me that question, and it's getting old." 

"Sorry." His flat tone brought on pangs of guilt. "It's just that..." 

"That what?" he whispered against my hair. "Tell me."

Pain radiated in my chest. There I stood in front of the mirror, facing myself and this moment of truth. Could I do this - could I tell him of the insecurities that have been eating away at me since the first time we had sex in his apartment? I would be sharing a big part of myself - I'd be putting myself up on the rejection block. But as my eyes focused, and I could see him staring at me in the mirror, I could see how soft and serious his eyes were.

Like he really wanted to know.

And after carrying this heaviness in my heart for so long, I didn't feel the need to keep carrying it any more.

"It's just that I don't understand sometimes," I began in a small voice. "I mean - you're so...you're so...well, look at you!"

He sniffed at his reflection. "What about me?"

"'What about me?' Are you..." I stopped myself from asking that dreaded question. "Look at you...you're...for lack of better words, yummy sex on a stick. I mean, damn it Vivian, it should be illegal."

"If you say so," he said with a laugh.

"I do say so. You're...you're really beautiful, and I'm..." I sighed sadly. "I'm anything but..."

"Hmm...I see. Well then to take a page from you, I must ask - are you serious?"

My eyesight focused on the mirror even more. "What?"

He shook his head. "You really are serious, aren't you? That's a damn shame. We clearly aren't on the same page."

Now, I was really confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I was just thinking about how nice it would have been if you were the one I photographed at the shoot, and not the model that you seem to be obsessed with." His rest his head onto the curve of my neck, his lips mere inches from my ear. "You would have been much more fun to shoot. Also, you've got the better body for lingerie. That model you seem to be obsessed with barely made hers look good. But you - you know what you wear best and you wear it well. And those curves, those dangerous curves -I'd have so much fun taking pictures of those. And when you wear something very well, the camera makes you look even better."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling. "I don't look that good in lingerie, do I?"

"If you didn't, I don't think I'd tear it off you so quickly." My eyes focused on my reflection even more. Maybe...Maybe I'm not so bad. "I'd still tear it off, though - make no mistake about that."

Vivian kissed the back of my shoulder, sending millions of shooting sparks within me. As my eyes came into full focus, it was like I was seeing myself for the first time. I really didn't look so bad. I actually looked pretty good, especially with this beautiful man standing behind me. But even if he wasn't...I had nothing to be ashamed of. I might not have been a supermodel, but I was still a pretty woman, and maybe that was enough.

"I've never done anything like this with anyone before," I confessed. "I don't usually look in the mirror like this - well, not anymore. I think I might have before..." Sigh. "...before I met my ex-husband. He could take a compliment, but he could never give one."

"He'd probably make a horrible photographer then."

"He wouldn't be, if the bitch he left me for is any indication." Even after two years, venom never failed to drip from my mouth. "And while I've wished him to have all the happiness he deserves, I still feel like he took a lot from me.

"I guess...I just never wanted to see what exactly it was that made him leave, you know?" The tears burned at my eyes. "And I guess after that, I thought something must be wrong because why else would he leave?"

"Did it ever occur to you that not every man carries the same keen eye that I do?" He held me even tighter. "Something can be said about finding beauty in everything. Yes, it helps you to appreciate everything, but it also helps you appreciate the most important things." He turned me around, so that we were facing one another. I'd never seen his eyes so soft and open before. "I've just proven to you that I cannot be nor will I ever be your ex-husband. I know how to appreciate everything, but I know that there are more...important things that deserve much more appreciation than others."

I couldn't help it. I couldn't keep myself from crying. There was something so comforting and soothing about his words, and they were words that I really needed to hear. Who knew that sexiness on legs could be so poetic? I practically heard my heart melt into crimson loveliness, warming the insides of my stomach and my legs and spilling out onto a puddle on the floor.

"Thank you for saying that, Vivian." Even as I wiped away my tears, I found the strength to smile and smile proudly. "I...I needed that. I really needed that."

His voice is quiet. "I know you did, Lexie." I nodded in agreement. "I wish I had my camera with me right now."

I blinked, taken aback. "Why?"

"Because..." Now it was his turn to smile. "I like your smile the most. It's the first thing I ever noticed about you."

The tears just kept on rolling. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Photographer, remember?" He reached over and took my hand. "Of course, you don't do as much as I'd like you to, so when you do, it's a treat. If I could take a picture, then I'd have something to remind me of what a sight it is to behold."

The wave of desire washed crashed against me, sweeping me up in all the love and lust I carried for this beautiful photographer. I couldn't hold back - I wouldn't. My hands reached up and cupped his face.

"Lexie..." It was all he could say before I kissed him as passionately as I knew how.

Vivian didn't resist at all. It was a full-on meeting of mouths, bruised lips and twirling tongues caught up in the dance of sensuality. I moaned against his mouth, unafraid to voice my pleasure. And when his mouth moved against the length of my neck, I felt like I would burst into flames.

"You sexy beast..." Jesus, I never had to worry about him, apparently. I was the one he needed to worry about - and he probably didn't. "But as tempting as this is, we can't do this."

"What?" I was shocked to the spot. "Are you kidding me?"

"That's just another way to saying, 'are you serious'?" He went for another kiss, but he gently pushed me back. "And I mean it. We can't do this. We can't."

I couldn't believe I was hearing this. "Why not?"

"Because I promised you that I wouldn't do anything." My lips rounded into an "O". Oh...that. I had said that...hadn't I? "And I intend to keep that promise."

"You don't have to!" I was being a total horndog, and Vivian resisted me. What a role reversal. "You don't have to keep your promise. I won't hold it against you if you don't."

"Yes..." I leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. Just like that, the fires of lust were fanned away with one sweet kiss. "I do. After all...it's not all about sex, now, is it?"

You sly dog...but I forgive you. "No, it's not. But now that I think of it, it is a pretty good part..."

"Quick, let's go watch some corny movie on TV before I change my mind." He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the bedroom door. "If we're lucky, we'll catch Svengoolie. Rich Koz is a riot."

I giggled as he pulled me into the dark of the living room. As we went fishing for the remote, I thought of how funny it was for one evening can go from a depressed to divine in a matter of hours and how one person seems to make all the difference.

Vivian, in all his sexy glory, made a difference not only for this night of my life, but my life as well.

And I loved him. I couldn't deny that anymore.

And as we curled up on the couch and the slumber overtook us, I knew the time had come for me to tell him how I felt.

\------

Vivian had to leave early in the morning - literally at the crack of dawn. He tried not to wake me, but when such a warm body moves away from yours, it's quite noticeable - even disappointing.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered, patting my head. "I have to get going - I need to start my editing work."

"I know you do," I replied, sleepily. "Just go on, I'll get back to sleep."

"Will you come visit me later?" He cupped my cheek. "If you still have some of that energy you had last night, I'll be more than happy to help you expend it."

"Deal." 

"Oh hell yes." He kissed my forehead once again - I really love those kisses. "Come by around six, okay? Put on your best lingerie."

"Ooh, a private photo shoot - kinky. Should I bring my smile, too?"

"Especially that smile. But get lots of rest, okay? You know how I am when I haven't seen in a while."

One last kiss, and he headed off, leaving me lonely and excited. Oh yes...I definitely was going to tell him how I felt, how special he made me feel.

But first, I needed the rest - and some time to pick out the right bra and panties.

\------

The excitement turned into uneasiness the minute I stepped into Vivian's building. The feeling confused me - I didn't understand it. I was so looking forward to seeing him, to being with him. But now, I felt so...afraid. The close I got to his apartment, the more intense the feeling became. By the time I arrived on his floor, I was really shaking.

What the hell was wrong with me?

I'd called him earlier to check on his progress, but I hadn't been able to contact him sense then. It didn't bother me too much - I figured he was busy. Elena becomes a hermit when she edits because it's such a time consuming process. But this was different - this was an omen. 

I'd finally decided to be honest with my self and the universe seemed to decide that it was a bad idea.

I wanted this - I really wanted to see him, to be with me, to tell him how I felt. But with every step, the shadows of foreboding grew thicker, whispering their insidious intent. The fact that his door was already wide open didn't help matters. I might have assumed that he opened it for me if my mind were screaming for me to make a hasty retreat.

The world slowed down more and more the close I got to the door. The pain in chest grew more and more acute the louder that flirtatious female laugh became. And when I finally reached the doorway, everything went silent, before the entire world crashed all around me.

That blonde model is all over him like the proverbial bitch in heat.


	10. -10-

Though someone would argue the validity of the statement, usually the truth really is before your very eyes.

When it came to the signs, they were all there with my ex-husband. The late nights, the amorous texts, the clandestine emails, and another woman's lipstick on the collar of his dress shirt. But I had to see it with my own to eyes to really believe it.

You can't really deny the truth when you see you see your barely dressed husband and his cheap whore doing their best impression of the riding cowgirl position.

The truth hurts - truer words were never spoken. My biggest memory of that night, when I discovered my ex-husband's affair, was the pain. It radiated through out my body, at times would bring to my knees with a dominant "crack". I remember collapsing onto the crowd, wailing so violently that banshees would be envious. There was one word I repeated over and over again, one question that I would demand answers for, but would always be denied one.

Why?

Why?

Why me?

The icyness of his eyes spoke louder than anything that could have come out of his mouth. The indifference in the faces of both my ex and that cum-dumpster he'd leave me for was even icier. They just didn't care. In fact they would go on to complain about how rude I was to come bursting in on them, even though this was my house, and they were screwing in my bed. They made me feel as though I were a heartless, selfish bitch standing in the way of their happiness, and while I would eventually figure out what a crock of shit that was, in that moment, I honestly believed it. There I was, the foolish, uncaring wife, finally realizing the consequences of her inability to care for the needs of her voracious husband.

It wasn't enough. I would never be enough. No matter how hard I tried - no matter what I did, I would never be enough. I almost lost myself to a man who demanded my undivided attention and belittled me if I didn't give it to him. I gave him my all - and it wasn't. I eventually realized that it was no fault of mine - he was the one at fault, not me. But still, I vowed never to allow myself to fall for a man ever again. I nearly lose my soul once - I never wanted to do it again.

But it did happen - with confident photographer eight years younger and a much better and more considerate lover than my ex-husband ever was and ever will be. 

I should have stayed away from him.

I should have never allowed myself to fall for his charms.

I should have never allowed myself to be vulnerable to him.

Because once you do that, you're bound to screwed - and not in a good way.

The circumstances of this discovery maybe be different, but to me, it's all the same. My mind blurs the past and the present. Vivian's home may be bright and warm from the glow of the many lit lamps, in my eyes, it's the same shade of nightshade blue that colored my marital bedroom that fateful night. And while he's sitting in a chair in middle of his living room, he might as well be in his bed, a blanket and a sheet sparsely covering his naked form. His shirt may be navy blue with not a smudge of lipstick to be found, he might as well be my husband, half-dressed in a white shirt with fuck me red lipstick smudged all over his cheeks, his lips, his neck, and the collar of shirt.

And if I were so inclined, I'd find a right around his dick, too.

As my heart crashes all around me, it feels like lightning struck twice. Poor little Lexie, always so trusting and so hunger for attention got her heart broken all over again - even if instinct warned her over and over again. But I'm not poor Little Lexie - am I? I'm not a victim. I let this happen. I opened my heart to someone - fucking verifiable slut - and now, he and his verifiable model slut were all over each other, giving me the most spectacular show of their lives.

And just like before, the stupid bitch looks at me with no remorse and no regard for scruples, snarling at me as though I don't belong when I was invited here.

"What the hell is she doing here?" she says, sounding so prissy it makes me sick. "I'm all for threesomes, but I've seen better milfs than her."

I grit my teeth, and I wish I could just walk up and smack the smugness of that bitches face.

Vivian...no matter how hard my mind wanted to make it seem that he stared at me with cold, uncaring eyes, stared at me with startled, then ashamed eyes. His face, usually so calm and collected, was colored with the expression of a man who knew that this misstep would cost him dearly.

But my mind had only seen his remorse for but a second, before the past colored my reality once again, and anger rises from every pore, threatened to send me down the path of my undoing. Even as my palm itches, overwhelmed with the desire to smack the smugness off that bitches face, I won't give them the satisfaction of my anger. Not this fucking time. 

As classless as she is, she did me a huge favor. 

I'm free of that arrogant son-of-a-bitch - that beautiful liar who fooled me into thinking I was beautiful and enough for him - once and for all. 

The truth is before me - once an slut, always a slut. No, always a verifiable slut.

"I see you are in the middle of your edit," I seethe with anger. "Well, I won't keep you from your task, since it's obviously going to take quite an effort to beautify that bitch's face."

I don't have to see her to know I pissed her off. "Bitch, who the fuck do you think you are? Who the fuck is she, Vivian?"

"Get off me." I tried to drown out my hearing as I stormed off into the hallway, ready to make my escape. "Lexie! Lexie, wait!"

"But Vivian..." I know she'll keep him from following. I can just imagine her arms wrapped around him. "I went through a lot of trouble to find you...to convince you to give me a shot..."

"Get off me. I'm not going to ask you again. Lexie! Lexie!"

I run as though he were after me, as though he were the devil himself. The tears pool around my eyes, but I keep them from falling - not until I get home.

I don't understand it. He took me to the mirror - he told me in his own way I was beautiful. I tried to get him to break his promise to keep things non-sexual - and he kept it. Over and over again, he implied to me that did things to him that no other woman would do.

Was it all just a pack of lies? A way to keep me from ending things, a way to keep me on a tight leash.

It had to be. But I don't know. I just don't know.

When I do get home, I barely make it through the door before the tears start flowing - they will no longer be denied. And even as my heart breaks, even if my stomach churns just thinking about him being with that slut, I don't know if crying over being betrayed or because I'm relieved to be free of that bastard, wondering if what we shared was real or if it was all a lie. Maybe it's a combination of both.

But it's done...it's over. I'm free of it all the drama. I'm free of him.

I'm free from all the questions, wondering if I had the right to fall in love with that beautiful, arrogant photographer, or if I enjoyed being played for the fool because I liked the pain.

I'm free...right?

Honestly...I just didn't know.

\------

I beg for time off work. There's a lull in workload right now, and I work quickly to delegate my tasks to other works. Thankfully, my boss is understanding - I've been working so hard, and they don't want me to overextend myself. She doesn't know the real story - and I'd never want to tell her. I show her my gratitude over and over, thanking her for her consideration, all to eager to have my two weeks off.

My insides are still twisted, though I can't bring myself to cry. It's a weird state of numbness that I'm in. I can feel pain and sorrow, but I can't express it properly. All I can do is think - replay that scene over and over again in my head. With every replay, I see more and more of the present reality and less of past reality.

My ex-husband's eyes were so cold and distant, but Vivian's eyes were focused on me. 

My ex-husband called me a bitch - Vivian called after me. 

My ex-husband kept his bitch close to him. And though I wondered if I heard it correctly, he tried to push her away.

He told her to get off of him.

But he didn't run after me. He let her keep him there. He may as well have given her a chance.

But his eyes...his eyes haunted me. I could still hear him calling my name.

But she was there, all over him. He let her in him home, and I hadn't come in when I did, who knows what I would have seen!

I should be an open and shut case. Everything I suspect came into fruition and I paid dearly for it. Time to live and learn - and move on.

The heart is never rational. It feels, it never thinks. It hopes and dreams and gives up after everything else does. It doesn't want to give up. It wants that tiny piece, that shred that rationalizes everything, that reinforces all that it feels, its deepest desires.

I didn't want to believe what I saw.

I didn't want to believe what I saw when I caught my ex-husband because it made my suspicions real.

I don't want to believe in what I saw with Vivian because I feel like what he have is real.

I wonder if I am able to make sense anymore.

The chirping of my phone breaks through my thoughts. I have a feeling I know who it is, but I reach out for it anyway.

-Call me.  
-We Need to talk.

He didn't even sign his name.

I don't want to call him. I don't want to see him. I just want to think. No - I want to wallow in my self-pity. I just want to lie here in my bed and hope that this pain eventually fades away.

I won't hold my breath.

\------

It's late in the night when the phone rings. 

It's him - Vivian calling.

Fatigue weakens my defenses - I'm not as self-aware of my anger and my pain. And by the time it creeps up on me, I've already pressed the answer button.

"I have nothing to say to you," I say simply.

"Then why did you answer the phone?" Just as self-assured as I remember - but not as strong as other times. "In any case, you don't have to say anything. I can talk, and you can listen."

"What if I don't want to listen? What if I just want to be left alone?"

He sighs. "I don't want to leave you alone."

"But you already have, Vivian." No - I won't cry. I won't share my pain with him. "You already have, and you know what? I get the message. I knew it was only a matter of time before you moved on. I just wish you'd picked a better way to inform me."

"She meant nothing, Lexie. She just showed up unannounced."

I wish he wouldn't drag this out. "Is that a fact?"

"Yes, it is. She just showed up, and just as I was about to show her out, you appeared in the door way."

"Isn't that how it normally works?" I feel tired - so, so tired. "You just walk in on festivities that seem so spur-of-the-moment, but really, it's all just a bit set-up. You couldn't tell me to my face - so you let me see it."

Silence. "I have always been honest with you, Lexie. Always. If I didn't want you, I'd have told you a long time ago. I'm not one to beat around the bush. I cut to the chase. But the truth is, I wanted you that night, and I was waiting for you that night."

My heart aches and aches. It wants to believe in him... 

"You don't believe me, do you?" he asks, voice flat and even. Silence. "Do you?"

"I don't know what to believe anymore. When I was heading up those stairs to see you, I believed that you were being honest with me. And I believed that it was safe to to tell you how..."

My voice trailed. Now, I couldn't tell him that now. I would never tell him. 

"I don't want to play games with you, Lexie," he said. "But I'm also a man who picks his battles wisely. And I don't choose to fight a battle I can't win."

"Then give up." I may be tired, and my heart is breaking, but I'm too old for idle threats. "Raise the white flag and beat a hasty retreat."

Silence. And then, that quiet, knowing laughter that I thought I hated but grew to love.

"I would...but I still have one last trick up my sleeve, Lexie. And as you already know...I never give up a challenge."

"You're wasting your time." No...he isn't, is he? "There is nothing you can possibly do now."

Another laugh. "We'll see about that."

The call ends. Sleep doesn't come easy - and his words won't stop echoing in my head.

I never give up a challenge.

I wish he'd give up...but deep inside, I'm curious as to what he intends to do.

\------

Five days go by in silence.

Not a text from Vivian or anyone else.

I'm still numb, and still silent. Vivian's promise in the back of head, but I'm too melancholic to take heed of it.

Five days go by...and then Elena calls me early in the morning. She does not sound happy.

"I need to come by your house today," she growls. "Shit is going own at my studio, and I need to vent. I can't believe this happened!"

"I'm not feeling all that great, Elena," I say quietly. "I'm not sure I could be a really good friend to you right now."

"I don't care if you're a good friend or a shitty one, I just need a friend!" she insists. "I've got this modelling agency on my ass right now because I called out one of their little bitches crossing the line!"

My heart rate jumped. "What? How do you mean?"

"Well, you remember that lingerie shoot you sat in on some days ago?"

I sat up from my bed, filled again with a sense of foreboding. "Yes, unfortunately."

"Well it turns out she's also a fucking snoop. She went through office, looking through my files after that shoot! She invaded my privacy, that prissy bitch!"

Oh my God... "What do you mean, she invaded your privacy? How do you figure?"

"Vivian is how I figure!" My body softens as the sound of his name. "Do you know what this bitch did? She broke into my files in order to find out his address! Then she went over there to try and fuck him!"

It's like a punch in the gut. "Really? Are you sure?"

"Hell yeah, I'm sure. Why wouldn't you be?"

"Because you've made it clear that Vivian is...promiscuous." I'm not ready to believe anything. "I mean, for all you know, he might have enjoyed the visit..."

"If that were the case, he wouldn't have had anything to me." Another punch in the gut. "He called me late at night to tell me what happened, and then on Monday morning, we saw that my office had been messed with."

"Oh." I'm not even sure if I said anything. The grip on my phone loosened, and my thoughts were in a whirl.

"Yeah, can't you believe this bitch? I didn't think she was that fucking shameless. She went through confidential files just to get laid! Honestly, I've never heard of this kind of shit before. The only saving grace is that he sent that bitch packing! She's picking a fight with us because she didn't get what she wanted. Stupid hoe..."

My phone slips from my hands. My heart pounds hard against my chest. I can't seem to catch my breath. I can feel hear Elena's faint barking, wondering where I went and why I'm not listening. My heart takes control of my sense why it has the chance. 

This...this is what he meant by the trick...isn't it.

This is what he meant by never giving up on a challenge.

I...I can't...

I need a shower. I need to get my clothes on and go over there.

I need answers - and I need them now.

\------

The last time I was in this hallway, the forces of fate tried to keep me away. Now, it's as if they are carrying me to this fateful destination. But it's not without bumps along the way. I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. I can't believe how crazy this all is. But I know I need to do this. If I don't, I'll regret it.

Vivian's saving grace is the uncertainty - how interesting. With my husband, there was no doubt. But with Vivian...there are many.

I'm tired of not knowing. I need to know now.

I make my way over to his door, and just before I'm able to knock, it flies open, and Vivian stares at me with wide eyes.

"Lexie." His voice sounds almost dreamy. "What brings you here?"

My eyes narrow. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" I ask, biting.

I expected a smirk - and thankfully, he didn't give me one. "No, not at all." He gestured inside. "Please, come in."

With a deep breath, I walk inside, keeping the voices of doubt at bay. I turn to watch him closing the door, his eyes firmly on me.

"To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?" he asks.

Steady, steady. "Elena called and told me what happened."

He nods slowly. "Did she now?"

"Yes - she explained to me that the model broke into her office to get your address, and that's...why she was at your apartment that night."

"Umm...I see."

He's so calm, and while I sound calm, I am anything but. "She also said that you sent her away and that you informed the modeling agency of her actions."

"Indeed, I did. But it looks as though the modeling agency is supporting her. You know what they say about scorned women."

I can't believe I'm about to do this. "I am...all too aware of it." He looks serious - and so do I. "So...nothing happened then."

"No - nothing happened. Nothing would ever happen with a woman like that, if I may be so bold as to say."

We're at a stand-off once again, just as we were on the day he brought me here - the first time we ever fucked each other. Only this time, I'm already cognizant of my anger and my desire. 

I despite him and want him all the same.

"I know Elena would never lie to me," I begin in a low, dark tone, "but I still don't believe you, Vivian. You may say you've been honest with me, but you're never been straight with me. Your words are like riddles - you never speak what you mean. And I'm not sure I can go on like that, not knowing how you really feel."

He makes his way over to me. I tell my self to keep calm, keeping breathing. That I need to do this. "Is that why you're here, Lexie? To tell me how much you still hate my guts?"

"No...though it is tempting." I take one last deep breath. "I came here because...I need to know, if it's me you really want."

He's so close to me now. I can hear the shallowness of his breath, and I can smell his cologne. I want so much to fall, to throw myself in his arms and kiss his sweet lips, but I can't. I have to stand my ground. All other times, it's been about being submissive to him. Now, it's my time to rule over him. 

It's time for me to take the reins.

"You know very well how much I want you," he says with a sultry whisper. "And I've never wanted you as much as I have since that night- as I want you right now."

There they were - the magic words. It's time - it's time to settle this once and for all.

I step backward - I can feel his eyes on me. I kick off my kitten heels and reach for the buttons on my trench coat. In one fluid motion, it's all unbuttoned, and it slips from my shoulders. His eyes widen when my naked body appears.

"Convince me, Vivian," I breathe to him. "Show me right now how much you really want me."


	11. -11-

Torture.

This is torture.

Standing naked before him, trying to figure out the emotion behind his eyes - it's all torture for me. And the desire - the desire that smolders beneath the surface threatens to rip me apart. I want to throw myself at him. I was to rip off his clothes and ride that cock into orgasmic oblivion. But that's the way it's always been that way - he's always been control of my pleasure, despite his willingness to give it to me.

Tonight...the night is the night I get my power back.

It's time for him to experience torture - la tortura.

If he really wants me - he'll gladly suffer for me. He will speak directly, and speak profusely. He will endure this pain, and he will beg for more.

But...if he refuses me...if he turns me away.

I will be in torture once more. But at least I will know, and there will be a finite end to this madness.

He stands still for one more moment, and I feel like I can't breath.

But then his eyes grow wild with hunger, and with urgency, and he advances toward me with preternatural quickness. 

All too quickly, I regain my resolve, and I remember my objective. I steel myself, knowing that this will all backfire if I don't.

"No!" The force of my voice stops him in his tracks. But he's already so close to me...and I want so much to give in. But I remain strong. "You're not allowed to touch me."

"What?"

"You aren't allowed to touch me." He's clearly startled by the order. "With your hands anyway." I grabbed his wrist, preventing myself from shivering as I guided his fingertips down the length of my body. "You can do whatever you wish - but you aren't allowed to use your hands."

He looks incredulous. "How am I supposed to convince you, if you won't let me touch you?"

"I never said you couldn't touch me, Vivian." My voice carries a seductive edge I never knew I had. "I said you shouldn't use you hands. There are other ways of convincing me - and you are such an adept lover. I don't think it'll be that much for a problem for you."

I allow me body to lightly press against his. He can feel his shivering. There is nothing calm about him now - he's holding back, at least for now. It's just the thing I need to keep going. 

"You can do this for me, can't you, Vivian?" I whisper. "From the beginning, it's always been about you fucking me. You flirt, you make a move, I beg, I submit, and then you fuck me. And that's been all well and dandy, but now, I need a change. You've had all the power - and now it's my time to take it back."

My hand slides down to the straining bulge in his pants. I smile when he grunts at my smooth, gentle strokes. I don't have to see him to know that he's in misery right now - perfect. "If you really want to do this for me - convince me - you will let me do this. And if you behave yourself and listen to what I tell you, you'll convince me, and that will make me very, very happy."

"And if I refuse?" His rough whisper nearly made me wince. "What if I don't want to play your little game, Lexie?"

I challenged his hard stare with a cold one of my own. No - I won't let him do this. I won't let him make me reconsider. I have to do this.

"Then I guess there is little more for us to say." He gasps as I tear myself away from, reaching for my coat. "I have my answer. So now, I can truly walk away with no regrets."

I slip on and button up my trench coat, feeling like a mixture of both relief and bitterness. So, this was it. This was the end - and this what rock bottom feels like. Am I really that desperate for love and redemption that I would resort to this...

"Wait." A slow smile spreads across my face. "Don't leave. I'll play. I'll play Lexie."

"Are you sure about that, Vivian?" I turn to him, smirking. "You weren't so sure a minute ago."

"I want to play, Lexie." If I didn't know any better, I'd say he sounds antsy. "Let me."

My smile fades. "Just so we're clear, I talk - you listen."

A slow nod. "Yes."

"If you're good, I will be very very good, and then you will convince me, and I'll be very, very happy. But if you're bad -" I slip my hand into my pocket, "- then I'm done. Understand?"

Another nod. "Yes."

I smile even more. This...this might actually work. "Good." I fiddle with the buttons my trench coat once more. "I"m guessing you want me to remove this again."

"Yes." I could practically hear the dryness of his throat.

"Yes?" Oh, I am going to enjoy this. "Is that all you have to say? You can do better than that."

I slip off one button, and then...I stop. My eyes never leave his. I can see his disappointment and the droplets of sweat on his brow.

"Why did you stop?" he asks.

"I want to know how much you want it." I stroke the buttons of my trench coat, up and down. "Tell me how badly you want me to take off this coat. Tell me how much you like to see my naked body."

He remains silent. It occurs to me that he's never been in this situation before. He's always the one who controls the pleasure - never ever the one who is controlled. I feel as though at any moment, he's going to tell me to leave and he'll find someone who will give him the power.

If he feels anything for me - anything at all - he will allow me this moment. 

And he will enjoy it.

"What's the matter, Vivian? Cat got your tongue?" He grits his teeth. "Hmph...maybe you really don't want this. Maybe I should just button up."

"No." His voice is all sorts of dark forceful. "Please, don't."

"'Please don't' what?" I sauntered over to him, feeling very empowered but also very cautious. "If you don't want me to button up, tell me what I want to hear, and I'll reward you by buttoning down."

"I..." I hear him swallow hard. "I want you to take it off."

Oh hell yes. "How bad do you want me to?" I slipped off the second button. "Tell me how bad."

"Very bad." His breath was like hot air, fanning across my exposed skin. "I want you...I need you naked, please."

"Do you like seeing me naked?" I'm still playing with that final button. "Do I look good to you naked, Vivian?"

"Yes."

"Oh Vivian, Vivian." My lips rest on his earlobe. "I know you are a man of few words, riddles even, but if you're going to be allowed to fuck me, you're going to have to be more descriptive than that."

He sighs. "I am a man of few words, Lexie."

"And I am a woman of little patience, Vivian. I need to know, and I need you to tell me, or the buttons get buttoned." I laugh softly. "Unless that's what you want."

"No!" The forcefulness of his tone increases my arousal. "I want you. I want you naked, and I want to have you naked."

"And you will..." Pleased with his response, I slip the final button from the buttonhole, allowing it to fall to the floor once again, but not before grabbing something from the pocket. "...if you continue to fulfill my wishes..."

Just as I finish my sentence, he tries to wrap his arms around me. I sneak out of his embrace before he can tighten it.

"Ah! Ah! Ah!" Oh, he's in for it now. "Didn't I say that you couldn't touch me with your hands?" I shake my head. "You just promised me that you'd listen and that you wouldn't use your hands. Now, I'll have to reprimand you. But first - I'm going to need you to go to your bedroom - now."

"What?"

"Did I stutter, Vivian? I said you need to go to your bedroom now. Ask again, and I'm gone." Without another word, he makes his way to the bedroom and I'm right behind him. "I thought about using the chair, but I'm going to need that bed for what I have in store for you."

"And what might that be?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" His apartment may be cool, but my blood is runs hot. "Lucky for me, I'm in the position to say 'I'll never tell'. Now, stop."

He follows me orders. I walk up behind him, grabbing his wrists. "What are you - "

"Your punishment - and your guarantee that you won't break your promise." Vivian tries to watch as I bind his hands together with the black silk scarf I kept hidden in my hand. "Don't worry - if you are able to redeem yourself, I will untie you, and I'll let you fuck me. But not before."

I can feel his eyes staring at me hard as I slip inside like a pussycat, my belly brushing against his feather down comforter while wiggling my ass as though I had a tail swishing in the air. Even from across the room, I can that it's only a matter of time before his cock bursts through his pants. He's just that hard.

But must suffer...suffer a little bit longer.

"You've always been sexy to be Vivian, but you're even more delicious when you're tied up." I sit on my knees. Now was the time to take it to the next level. "Now tell me...whatever do you want to do with me?"

"I want to fuck you." He's never been more direct.

"Don't beat around the bush, sweetheart," I say with a laugh. "There's plenty of time for that - especially if you behave yourself. Besides..." I let my hands drift up and down my body. "...I want to know how much you want me before I let you have me."

"I want you, Lexie." Gone is confident swagger of a man who is assured of his ability to get what he wanted. Now, he sounded like a man on the brink of desperation. "You don't know how much I want you..."

"Oh, I have an idea." My eyes gesture to the bulge in his pants. "But that just tells me how much you want my pussy juices to cover your cock. No. I want to now how much you want me - all of me." He still remains silent. "Of course, if you can't handle it, I can always leave."

"No."

I smirk. "No, what?"

"I..." My breath hitches. "I don't want you to go."

My heart burst into a furious sprint. "You don't want me to go?"

Even in the darkness of his room, I can see him struggling with the words. "No. I want you to stay. I don't want you to leave."

"Hmm." I want to smile and smile, but I know I have to remain serious. "Am I really that appealing to you?"

"Yes you are, Lexie," he pleads. "Don't you know what you do to me?"

I may have had an idea...but my insecurities stopped me from really knowing. "Why don't you tell me what I do to you, Vivian. Tell me everything. And if I like what I hear..." My fingers slide down my stomach. "I'll reward you handsomely."

He sighs. "Lexie, I..."

"Try," I spit out. "Or I'm done."

Another sigh of defeat. I sit on the edge of the bed, spreading my legs wide, my warm, moist pussy present before his eyes. He's that much closer to delirium now - and I'm right behind him.

"You-You're the only woman I've ever been with this long," he begins quietly. 

"Hey - eye's up here, Vivian," I tell him, leaning back. "I'd hate to think that you were whispering these sweet nothings just to get in your fingers in my pussy."

"It's more than that, and you know it."

"But I don't know it, Vivian. And that's why..." My fingers slide down my moist, warm lips, "...I want you to tell me."

"Oh God..." This is torture for him...and for me. But it's a torture we both can enjoy. "You're killing me, Lexie."

"It kills me know that any woman can saunter in here with cheap lipstick and seduce you away from me." 

"That's not true."

"Isn't it though?" My fingers begin to flick at my clit and I feel like I'm going to explode right here, right now. I don't know how long I can keep this up, this torture. "She was all over you, Vivian. She might have not have kissed you or fucked you, but it was only a matter of time."

"No," he hissed. "I didn't want her. I never wanted her. I waited for you. I wanted you..."

"Why?" I was never one for self-pleasure, always preferring a vibrator to my fingers. But watching him squirm as my fingers played flick and flutter against my clit makes me hotter than any toy ever could. "Why me? Why not the models?"

He looks as though he may faint. "I don't know..."

"I'm going to cum on my fingers, Vivian." I sigh and whimper as my fingers bring me closer to that natural high. "If I cum before you answer the question, I'm leaving."

"Because you're different," he says in a hurry. "You are unique in your own way."

"You say that to all the girls. You're a photographer after - ooooh!"

"Please don't cum yet." The roughness of his voice brings me that much closer. "Please, don't. I want to taste you so bad."

"You want to taste me?" I ease up on the clitoris abuse. "Is that all you want to do to me?"

"I want to fuck you over and over again. I want you to scream my name while I pound my cock in you over and over again." Jesus, I want him bad. I want now. "I want you in everywhere possible, don't you know that, you sexy beast?!"

"You just want to fuck me, that's all you want," I hiss, contemptuous. "I'll never...be more...than a fuck buddy to you."

"You already are." My fingers stop moving. When our eyes meet, I can feel that final release steamrolling toward me. "You've always been. Or did our last night together not make that clear?"

That night in my apartment - that night where he behaved himself, the night before the shit hit the fan - flashed before my eyes. The memory of being in front of that mirror and being able to look at myself for the first time. I remember how warm I felt in his arms, and how much I looked forward to seeing him later that night.

I'd never felt so special in my entire life.

He's right - he's no good with words, but he doesn't have to be, does he? His actions, they've said it all...

The orgasm explodes in me before I am able to stop it. My screams fill the air as I ride wave after wave of the exquisite pleasure I brought myself. I plop down, a tired grin on my face. What surprises me more is my lack of exhaustion, and my desire to reward this photographer profusely.

"You're a very lucky man, Vivian," I whisper. "You answered me correctly just as I was about to hit." I sit up, still grinning. "But it seems we have a problem."

"And that is?"

"You're still wearing your clothes. We can't have that. Now I'll untie you, but you must promise to keep your hands off me. Once you finish stripping, you will lie down on this bed and I will re-tie you. Got it?"

"You're driving me crazy, Lexie, you know that?" he snaps as I walked over to him. "You're torturing me!"

"But you will gladly suffer for me, if you want me so much." I place a small kiss on his lips. "Don't worry, baby. Your release is coming."

He does as I ask. He keeps his hands off me as I untie him, and he can't get out of his clothes fast enough. My pussy is all wet again with his rock hard cock springs forth, desperate for insertion. I can see the spoils of the struggles in sight now, and we both won't be disappointed.

He throws himself into bed, and again, he keeps his hands to himself as I tie his hands to the bedpost with the black silk tie. He's all sweaty now - he may as well be a broken man brought to the edge of sweet madness.

It's time to bring release to us both.

"Listen to me very carefully, Vivian," I whisper in a serious tone. My hand wraps around his cock, giving him long, teasing strokes. "First, I'm going to need you to taste me. I don't want you to hold back, and I want you to tell me how good I taste. And then, I'm going to fuck you reverse cowgirl, but please don't hold back in my account. I want you to pound me so hard, it hurts. It's the only way you will convince me. Am I clear?"

"Crystal." I think I see tears in his eyes. "Please, please..."

"Please what, Vivian? Tell me, baby."

"I want you to let me taste you," he groans as I continue to stroke him. His cock is red hot like coal against my palm. "I want you to fuck me hard, baby. I need my cock in your pussy right now."

"In time, love." I kiss his cheek. "In time, you will have me, but right now, I want you to beg me to fuck you. Beg me - and enjoy every single minute of it."

"Please, please, fuck me! Please, I need it so bad."

"Well, when you put it that way..."

I climb up and straddle legs in between his face. Vivian wastes no time - his mouth greedily latches onto my clit. I grab onto the headboard for support as his tongue laps and sucks at my pussy, touching me in all of the right places.

There is no way in hell I can be quiet about all this pleasure.

My thighs clamp around his head as he eats me out, his tongue burying deeper and deeper inside me. I can the onset of another intense orgasm. I grab his hair as bliss overtakes me, one wave after another.

Fuck, I should be on top all the time.

"Tell me you want to fuck me!" I demand, looking down at him. He looks to be in pleasurable delirium, his nose and mouth covered in my juices. "Tell me how much you want me right now!"

"I want you on my cock right now. I need you right now, Lexie."

"Just me? Only me?"

"Just you." Oh, hell yes. "Only you."

"Hmm...then I suppose it's settled. It's time to let you fuck me - while I'm fucking you."

I slide down the length of his body, my body tingling in anticipation. This is it - this is the moment I've worked so hard for. Now, it was here and I was ready to take my victory lap. 

He didn't run away. 

He really wanted me.

And I sure as fuck wanted him.

I'm very impatient. I thought I wanted to lower himself onto him slowly, to extend his torture a little more. But once I grab him and lower my pussy onto his cock, I am a woman possessed. He's just as possessed. He may be bound to the bed, but he slams into me just as I slam into him. I grab onto either side of the bed as I plowed onto him and he plowed into me.

"JESUS!" I cry out, keeping in rhythm with this furious fucking. I tighten all around him as that one orgasm to end them all slams into me, relieving me of all my senses and my inhibitions. "Fuck..."

Vivian slams into me one last time before a thundering how escapes from his lips, and his cock spasms inside me, and I milk it for all it's worth. It's as if I've experienced the kind of high that shoots me upward to the paradise of heaven, to the lost Eden our souls hope to return to one day.

This is my triumph. My triumph over my past timidity, and my present sexual power.

This is my confidence.

I collapse back onto Vivian, completely spent. With the last of my energy, I untie him from the bedpost. He responds by wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I didn't say you could touch me," I murmur teasingly.

"I know." He holds me even tighter. "But you never said anything about holding you."

He leans over and kisses my forehead. Just like that, the high fades away, and the softness, the vulnerability that comes with making love to the one your heart beats for blooms anew.

"Vivian..."

"Don't." He pulls his comforter over our naked, sweaty bodies. "Don't say anything. Just rest. You need it."

Right on cue, exhaustion washed over me. Who knew being dominate could be so tiring?

"You never cease to amaze me, you sexy beast," he murmured before the sleep finally took me.

\------

We lie side-by-side in the darkness of his bedroom, still exhausted from the mad, furious lovemaking we had earlier.

I don't think he's ever held me this close. I don't think he's ever held my hand or stroked my thumb, either. But there is something about what we've done that makes it easy to be closer to one another.

How odd. Hours before, I was drunk with power, triumphant over Vivian, and all my insecurities.

But now, lying here in the dark with Vivian beside me, my erotic catharsis seems to be fading away. No, that's not right - it's still here, but the uncertainty of what happens next weighs heavily on my mind.

"I've always known you were a sexy beast, but I didn't know you had it like that," he whispers in my ear.

"Is that a bad thing?" I know there is no need for me cry, but the tears fall anyway. "I...I've never done anything like that before."

"No - that's a very good thing. Different, but good. And if that was your first time - then you were obviously destined to be good at it." I can't help but smile. "Is it too soon to ask if you can do that again sometime?"

I'd ask if he's serious - but I know he is. "Maybe. This was rather spontaneous."

"That's what made it even hotter." He pulls me closer. "I must be so lucky to be with someone who can excite any man like that - and that man happened to be me." There is no question of my love for this man. "But you know you didn't have to do that."

I shook my head. "Yes, I did. I had to know. I had to know how if you really wanted me."

"And now that you do?" The fall even more now. I can't speak. It's so odd. This is what I've always wanted. So why am I trembling? "Lexie..." He reaches over and wipes a tear away. "Still afraid?"

I nod slowly. "I'm sorry. I...I don't know what happens next."

He sighs heavily. "Ah, Lexie. Then you leave me no choice then." I don't have to see him to know that he's grinning. "What if I told you that I had a way to settle this once and for all?" I turn to him, a quizzical look on my face. He's grinning for ear-to-ear. "All I need is your signature."


	12. The End

"A release form?"

I sat at Vivian's kitchen table, quite confused. It took a lot of effort to get me in here in the first place. While I thoroughly enjoyed being a dominant woman on top, it left my legs feeling like jelly and it was exhausting. A happy, satisfied exhaustion, but exhaustion nonetheless. Vivian thankfully noticed my plight and helped me get to the kitchen without falling on my face. But now that I was here, I was puzzled.

"It's not just any form," Vivian began quietly. "A photo release form. It's a standard procedure for getting a subject's consent should the photo taken be used for commercial purposes, or in this case, a photo exhibition."

"Ah." I nod my head. "That makes sense." Realization is slow for me. I blame the mind-blowing sex for that. "So, why do you need my signature?"

"Because if I'm going to show you off at my exhibition, then I need you to sign on the dotted line."

"Ah." The wheels start turning in my head, and realization has a little more momentum this time - enough to give me a good smack upside my head. "Wait a minute? You want to show the pictures you took of me at your exhibition?"

He nods. "Yes, that's right. Which is why I need your signature on this form."

"But you can't show those at your exhibition! Those are..." I blush at the thought of random strangers seeing my body writing in pleasure with various bodily fluids spattered all over me. "...private photos."

"I know that." Always so calm, that one. "Those aren't the ones I want to feature anyway."

Now, I was really confused. "But...those are the only ones you've shoot of me." And then much quieter, "Haven't you?"

I sigh as he reaches over and caresses my check. I still don't understand what is going on - but oddly enough, I feel like there's nothing to worry about. "Sign on the dotted line, and you will find out."

My eyes narrow in suspicion. "Vivian, I don't know..."

"You know, I gave you that same look when you were being so sexy and dominant earlier," he points out. "I wasn't sure of what to make of you, but I stuck it out, and I'm glad I did." His fingers drift across my shoulder. "Besides...if you didn't have any faith in me, you'd have never taken such a big gamble as you did tonight."

Our eyes lock, and for a brief moment, I find it hard to breath. That mischievous twinkle is still in his eye, and that smile on his face is anything but angelic, but somehow, in the center of my heart, I know that he speaks the truth. He's so right - I would have never did what I did earlier tonight if there was no semblance of trust in place. When Elena called me and revealed the model's shady behavior, something inside me awakened. I'm longer content with resting on my laurels and hoping for the best. Tonight was the night to make things happen - to take back control of my life after such a long time. 

And lucky for me, Vivian was all to willing to let me have, and for that, I'd always be thankful.

"Are you sure you're twenty-four?" I sighed, reaching for the pen. In one fluid motion, I sign on that dotted line. "You may be young and full of cum, but you certainly aren't dumb."

"Thanks - I think." He takes the release form and slips it into his messenger bag nearby. "The exhibition is this Saturday, so you won't have to to wait very long. I don't imagine the wait will torture you as much you tortured me tonight." I open my mouth to apologize, and he adds, "I never said that I didn't enjoy it!"

"I know you enjoyed it. You were practically screaming to the entire building about it."

"It was so good, I had to tell the whole world about it. I mean it when I say you need to do that again. Fuck, I should buy you a riding crop. That would make it even hotter."

"Should I buy some black fuzzy handcuffs, a leather corset, and a blindfold, too?"

He's positively beaming. "You are a woman after my own heart."

You are a woman after my own heart. The words bounce of the walls of my heart and fill me with unspeakable joy. I can't help myself. I kiss him as passionately as I know how to. 

"Careful," he warns pulling away. "You keep that up, and I'm carry you into that bedroom, no matter what condition your legs are in."

Works for me. "Is that a promise?"

He's really grinning now. "Shit, you're going to kill me tonight, aren't you?"

"You're young - you can handle it. You might have reached your sexual peak, but I'm nowhere near mine. It could take years to reach the top...and then many more years to come back down. The question is, can you handle the climb?"

"Hell yes, mistress - I live for the climb, if you didn't already know. And speaking of climbing..."

He stands up from his chair, walking into the blackness of his apartment. "Vivian, were are you going?"

"To draw a bath for us," he calls back. "I want to clean up and get dirty at the same time, if you know what I mean."

Oh my. Just the thought of it makes my panties wet - wait, I'm not wearing panties. Even better.

"Can I still be on top?" I ask him.

He laughs. "I think you better."

\------

It's one part cleaning and one part lovemaking here in Vivian's lovely tub. But the lovemaking definitely has the bigger piece of the pie - and I don't mind one bit.

I'm on top of him again, but this time, we face each other. Tendrils of my damp, dark hair brush against his face. My arms are wrapped around his neck, and my mouth whimpers against his. His eyes never leave mine as I work my magic - he looks as though he is in complete rapture. 

I could stare into his eyes all day.

I feel myself getting closer and closer to that final release when this huge wave of water splashes against me.

"What the hell?" I cry out, blowing the water out of my face. There's a guilty smirk on his face. "What did you do that for?"

"I don't want you to come just yet," he says, splashing me some more. "And this is an effective distraction."

And just like that, we launch into a splashing war. We're locked together like lovers, but we're having at each other like little children. He's better at this I am, and before long, I'm begging for mercy. 

"Cut that out!" I scream out, giggling at the same time.

"Never!" he declares, splashing me even more. 

The commotion is so much that I don't notice him changing our positions. I gasp when the my back makes contact with the bathtub wall, and Vivian looks down at me with triumphant eyes.

"My turn," he murmurs. "I always did like water sex."

And now, so did I.

\------

He leaves early in the morning. He probably would have left me to rest - I really needed it after last night - but I happen to wake up.

"I've got to get to school to do some last minute work with the exhibit," he tells me quietly. "You can stay as long as you need to."

"Thank you," I murmur, "I appreciate that. I promise I'll be gone before you get back."

"You don't have to do that, but then again, if you stick around, I might be too distracted to finish up any last minute work."

I giggle. "I suppose you would be."

"In any case, I won't be able to see you until the exhibition. I can't stress to you enough how important this is. But I need you to be at the exhibition - I really need you there, okay? It's very important that you be there."

"Umm." It must have something to do with the mysterious photos he had me sign over. "I promise, Vivian, I will be there."

"Good. I don't want to do all this work for nothing." He kisses my forehead. "See tomorrow night, you sexy beast."

I'm really enjoying that name. I never thought I'd ever be considered a "sexy beast", but after last night, it seems quite fitting. "See you."

He disappears out of his apartment, and find myself slipping back into slumber. One thing is clear to me - I have to tell him. I have to tell him how I really feel. I have no idea of what to expect at the exhibition and what he wants me to see, but no matter what happens, I need to get this off my chest.

...I'll try not to let the fear the gnaw at me too much.

\------

The entire contents of my closet are sprawled all over my bedroom. 

I've never been to a photography exhibition before, so I have no idea of what I am supposed to wear. Do they wear all black to these things? Or is it something else? When I graduated from university, we wore whatever we wanted, just as long as it was appropriate. I'm pretty sure that there's some kind of unspoken dress code surrounding senior shows.

I go on line to get outfit ideas because I'm clueless as to what to wear.

I eventually settle on blush-colored art deco cami and croc-style pencil skirt with a mocha contrast trim cardigan. I add a black satchel, a gold brooch, black tights, and black booties, and I'm ready for this thing.

No...no I'm not ready for this thing.

I'm still not sure of what I literally signed up for. I know now that Vivian won't hurt me, and I believe him when he says that the more salacious photos won't be featured tonight. But what is it that he wants me to see? And more importantly, will I like what I see?

I am going to tell him how I feel tonight, but I wonder if I will feel the same way after the exhibition.

My cell phone chirps. It's a message from Vivian, probably at the exhibition right now.

-Breath. Just Breath.  
-Don't worry. See you soon.

Seriously, how did he know I was freaking out?

With a smile, I tuck my phone into my satchel and prepare for the journey to Sullivan Galleries, where the exhibition takes place.

Well..here goes nothing.

The exhibition is in full swing, and the gallery is packed with people - proud relatives and friends mingling with the creme-de-la-creme of the artist set of Chicago. This is the reception for all the graduating students - so of course, everyone will be here. I can't help but think that for most of the students, this exhibition is the perfect opportunity to prove to the naysayers that there are uses for their talents and they aren't destined for the life of a poor artist.

I feel happy knowing that Vivian won't be a poor artist, considering he's already somewhat in demand.

"Well, well, if it isn't Miss Alexa." I freeze at the sound of Elena's booming voice. Elena - Elena is here, and she has every right to be here since he's Vivian's employer. But that also means she'll see the pictures of me, and since I' haven't told her anything... "Fancy meeting you here. You're looking resplendent tonight."

"Uh, yeah! Thanks, I think?" This isn't going to end will, is it? "I, well, uh, I heard about Vivian's exhibition, and I thought I'd drop by and see what the buzz was about." Why the hell is she looking at me like that? "You know, since he's supposed to be so good and whatnot."

"Uh-huh." Her eyes are narrow, and then she raises an eyebrow. "You sure it's for no other reason?"

"Um...no." Oh my God! Does she know? Does she know? "Just curiosity that's all."

I laugh nervously. She opens her mouth as though to ask a question, but the smiles. My heart will give out at any moment. "Well, since you're here, we can go and look at Vivian's exhibit together. I hear it's really...something."

Her words only increase my nervousness by ten-fold. "Oh, that won't be necessary. I...I'm sure you're with some people."

"No, I insist! Let's go, let's go! It's already the talk of the exhibition, so we should see it before the crowds swarm it."

"Elena, wait!" She grabs my hand, weaving me through the crowds at a quick pace. I have to be doubly apologetic to everyone we bump into because she sure as heck isn't. "This isn't necessary."

"Sure it is! We're both here to support Vivian, right?" I have a really bad feeling about this... "Let's support him together. Ooh, here it is!"

Vivian's photographs were located in he south wing of the gallery, among the bright white walls and even brighter white floor lights. He featured nine photographs. A sign nearby announces the name of his exhibit - "A Study is Everyday Beauty", and that it featured three different photographs of three different subjects. 

And I must be one of them.

"These pictures turned out really nice," Elena explains to me. "I'm not just saying that because I hired the guy, of course. He has actually talent."

"Yeah." The light bulb went off. "Wait a minute, have you seen - "

"The pictures he took of one of his instructors and of myself turned out really well - of course mine were amazing. But..." She turns to me with the biggest knowing grin on her face. Oh shit. "...the last row of pictures are clearly the best ones."

She nudges me and my heart drops. Oh yeah - she knows. "Ah, Elena, I, I can explain..."

"Oh trust me - you will explain yourself, you naughty little minx. But you should look at the pictures first." Her eyes gesture to the wall. "You really want to see this."

She nudges me again, and this time, her smile seems less mischievous. I take a deep breath, and exhale slowly. So...this is it. This is the moment of truth, when I see what exactly I signed away for. 

He says that these pictures will settle things once and for all. The answers to all my questions lie in these frames.

My heart is pounding. I don't know what to expect - but I know I have to face this head on. So, I begin to walk to the photos as though I were walking down that long, lonely corridor leading to the gas chamber.

I know that no matter what happens, I will live, but I feel like I'm going to die.

The world slows down all around me. Every footstep echoes inside my head. I'm terrified, but I'm excited as well. This...these photographs are the doorway to the next chapter of my existence. Even if it all goes badly - even if it's all be one sadistic lie, something inside me has awakened, and it's something that can never lie dormant ever again - it can never be put back to sleep.

For that, I will always be grateful.

When the first image of me appears before my eyes, tears spring forth from eyes - tears I didn't realize I had. When...when did he take this picture of me? 

When?

And why didn't he tell me about it?

I recognize the backdrop - it's Elena's studio. I'm standing beside on her windows, with lots of sunlight streaming through the panes. And I'm smiling. No, not just smiling - it's look like he caught me in the middle of a laugh. I look really happy in the photo - overjoyed even. Maybe it's the sunlight that enhances it, or maybe it's the warm light that surrounds me, but looking at it filled me will so much joy.

"Beautiful shot, isn't it?" Elena's voice saunters in from behind. "These photographs are very hard to take, because the emotional state of the photographer is what makes or break it. Sure, it's up to the viewer to decide how it makes them feel, but if the photographer was 'blah' when he took it, then it'll probably make the viewer feel 'blah', too."

"Do you know when he took it?" My voice is so soft, I wonder if she hears me. "This photo."

"No, I don't, but it had to be after I hired him. I just didn't introduce you guys yet." I just want to reach out and touch it... "Well, don't stare at it all day. There are two more you should see."

"Huh?" My eyes glanced over to the photo in the series - a picture of me in Vivian's bed, fast sleep and wrapped tightly in my comforter, a sweet smile on my face. I remember this - it's when he came to me after the first time we had sex - and explained to me the true definition of seduction.

The night he made love to me again when I asked him if he was taking pics of me again.

"I admit, this photo made me go 'aww'," Elena piped in. "Of course, it made me realize that something was going on that the two of you weren't telling me about, but still - it's a good picture. He has a good eye, that one."

She pushes me over to the final picture - me curled up against the door way with tears in my eyes. This was the picture he took after I left him at the Violet Underground - when I thought he preferred the pretty girls to me.

The picture in its black-and-white tones, was a painful reminder of my sadness.

"You know, if you'd have told me that he crossed the line, I would have kicked his ass for you." I turn to her, and if I didn't know any better, she actually looks offended. "Whether something is going on or not, you're still my friend, and I've got your back."

Now, I felt really guilty. "I-I'm sorry Elena. I didn't know how to tell you, and I didn't want him to lose his job..."

"I would never fire him over something like this, Lexie," she points out. "I just wish you'd have told me what was going on. It's not like I would have said no to it - you're both adults, and you do what you want. As long as you're happy." She glances over at the photos. "He certainly is."

I blink. "What?"

"Oh come on, Lexie, don't tell me you don't already know?" I look over at the photos once again, in awe of how beautiful they all are in their own way. "These pictures - are amazing. These pictures will always increase his demand with future clients. But the most important thing is that they are testament to how he feels about the subject - how he feels about you." I smile through my tears as she grabs my arm. "It's frustrating as hell at how little he speaks - but the photo says everything - feelings and all."

The joy inside me me melts my heart, and fills my body with immense warmth and wondrous light. Elena is right - they really do show how he feels about me. And Vivian was right - my signature was all that was needed to settle this once and for all.

I love him - and it's okay to love him. 

I don't need to be afraid anymore.

Ah...how wonderful.

"I'm sorry that I've hid this from you for so long, Elena," I tell her, wiping away my tears. "I won't get into the details, but I won't hide anything from you again."

"I know you won't, and I except your apology." She pouts. "Still, there's just one thing though."

I give her a puzzled look. "And that is?"

In dramatic fashion, she places her hand on her forehead, throwing her head back. "Why didn't he try anything with me? I'm beautiful man-eating cougar too, aren't I? This was supposed to be my starring role! He was suppose to seduce me, waaaaaah!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" For some reason, I'm compelled to bow before her many times, even though she just told me that I did nothing wrong. "You are a beautiful man-eating cougar, and another hot photographer will come for you - but not your employee..."

Elena is dramatically inconsolable, and I have not choice but to dramatically try to remedy that. In the midst of her wailing and odd stares, I catch Vivian gazing at me from across the room. He flashes his knowing smirk before kissing his lips and sending them my way.

Ah...

I love you too, sweetheart.

\------

I linger around as everyone leaves - I wait for him. He appears before me in due time, smiling but looking very tired.

"You came." He sounds very tired. "I'm glad."

"I promised you I would," I tell him softly. "I'm glad I did."

He chuckles. "Is that so? Did you like what you saw?"

I nod. "Yes."

"And does it ease you mind, finally?"

I don't nod this time. Instead, I reach out and entwine my hand in his. He squeeze right back. "Yes. Finally."

He looks quite smug and pleased with himself - and he deserves to be. "Come on then - lets go to your house. It's closer, and I really need some rest." I can't help but laugh. "What?"

"I just never though I'd see you tired, that's all. You're always so full of energy, especially after you've worn me out."

"Well, what can I say?" He wraps his arms around me as we heard for the door. "Even verifiable sluts need their beauty rest from time to time."

"Yeah, but you aren't a verifiable slut anymore, are you?"

He gives me that sly look, and my heart melts all over again. "No, but I'm your verifiable slut. Am I right?"

I give him a sly look of my own. He will rest tonight - but it's on tomorrow.

"You better believe you are."

\------

I help him into bed as soon as we get to my house. He's so tired - he was dozing off on the train. He's worked so hard on his senior exhibition, and now that it's over, it's taking its toll. 

He deserves all the rest he can get - especially if he really is my verifiable slut now.

I help him out of his clothes and slip into a white tank and pajama pants of my own. He curls up next to me, his head on top of my chest, and his arm wrapped around my waist. I run my fingers through his hair, and rest my chin on his forehead. As his breathing slows and eyes flutter, the needs to speak the truth of my heart blooms inside me. I can't wait any longer - I need to say it now.

"I don't know how to say this," I begin, "and I know you are a man of few words. So I'm just going to come right out and say it." 

His tired eyes gaze at me. "And what is that?"

H-Here it is. "I-I love you." There - I said. I've said it. "I love you, Vivian. I don't know what happens next, but I know that I love you."

Even in his exhaustion, he can laugh. "Well, I knew that."

My eyes flew open. "What?"

He reaches over and cups my cheek. "You wouldn't be so affected by me if you didn't love me. And I would have made you the center of my exhibition...if I didn't love you."

Jesus... "Say that again."

"You just said I was a man of few words, Lexie."

"I know what I said. But please, tell me again."

He reaches over, and kisses my forehead. "I...I love you too, Lexie. Don't you know what you do to me?"

And just like that, the heaviness within my heart dissipates into nothingness. I pull him closer to me as tears of happiness form in my eyes. I still don't know what will happen after this. I'm too old and too wise to predict the future, and take every day as it comes. But for now, for now, I'm the happiest I've been in a long time, and I intend to keep that feeling with me for a long as I can.

"I think I'm getting an idea," I say with a yawn. "A very good idea."

\------

I wake up before he does for a change. 

He looks so peaceful, resting there, snug in the covers. As he dreams his dreams, he looks so content, with a small smile on his face.

I wonder, if possibly, he's dreaming of me.

I lean over and softly kiss his forehead. He's mine - he's all mine. And I know that now. And you know what - I couldn't be happier. I deserve to be happy and it's been a long time coming. 

I'll proudly wear the badge of a cougar if it means I get to be with this delicious man. We may not live happily ever after, but we will live sexily ever after, and that's fine by me.

I have a lot to learn - from him and from myself. It's going to be a fun ride.

He stirs as my fingers run along his face. "Careful - I think I'm well rested now. Energetic even."

"Lucky me." I watch as he sits up, smiling at me. "Did you rest well?"

"Of course, I did. You're a very comfy pillow - very warm and very squishy."

"I don't think I've ever been referred as 'squishy' before. Is that a good thing?"

"Madame, it's a very good thing." He sweeps me into his embrace. "It's the best compliment of all."

I can't but giggled like a schoolgirl - the thought comes to me in a flash. "Hey, wait a minute. I just realized something."

"And that is?"

"The photos - I mean, the other photos of me. If you weren't going to use them for your exhibition, then what are you using them for?"

At first he says nothing. The room is dead quiet, and I wonder if I've gone and ruined the mood by asking the question. But then I notice it - a blush that spreads from one part of his face to another, until he is completely red.

He's - embarrassed?! The calm, cool, and collected photographer is blushing?

Where the hell is my camera?

"Well...they weren't for b-blackmail," he begins shyly, and I can't believe what's happening. "You look so good when I'm inside you...and I needed something for the nights when we aren't together, so..."

My eyes widen to the point where even a blind man could see the whites of them. Did he say that? Did he really just say that?

All this time I was afraid of him sleeping with other women, and now I find out the the only thing I was even remotely my rival was a naughty photo of me.

I will not laugh. No, I'll save that hearty belly laugh for later.

But now, I have this idea in my head that I don't want to put away, and I know he won't be opposed to it.

"Well in that case..." I kiss him on the nose. "We'd better add to your collection, now, won't we?"

He watches as I slide out of bed. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I believe I still owe you a private photo shoot from last week," I purr. "I'm going to take a shower, and then I'm going to put on my best lingerie. I'm afraid you'll have to use my camera, though, but I'm sure you'll make it work.

"Oh, and by the way." It's my turn to give him a knowing smirk. "I think we should start up my lessons again, don't you? After all...I've still got a lot to learn."

He may look calm, but I can tell that he's beside himself. "You definitely are a sexy beast."

We stare at each other - hungry, yearning, lustful. I beckon him to the shower, and he can't hop out of bed fast enough.

And we lived sexily ever after.

=The End=


End file.
